March 08, 2006
Four on the floor
BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Family may provide evolution clue
This family apparently walks on all fours. Three of them do this all the time, the other two can stand on two feet some of the time. Speculation is that they have a brain abnormality which affects their balance and coordination. I wonder if it's possible that they're just nuts.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 03, 2006
How did I not know this?
So, the Romans had a festival held every year on March 17, which is my birthday. That festival? The Liberalia. I am not making this up.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:35 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 28, 2005
And they mean gas
Maine Ocean Floor Has Mud-Trapped Gas
It seems that the ocean bottom -- I mean floor -- off of Maine has a layer of mud trapping natural gas fields. Occasionally, though, the gas bubbles to the top, and a big methane bubble will float to the surface. A crater is left behind -- one of them's the size of a football stadium. (A football stadium in Maine, or one in a bigger state?)
(Hat tip: Meryl.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 18, 2005
One of those things you can't make up
CNN.com - Drunken Santas run riot in Auckland - Dec 17, 2005
"Santarchy". 40-odd drunken people in Santa Claus costumes run amok in New Zealand. They claim that this is a "worldwide movement".
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:17 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
October 21, 2005
Wait a minute
Penndit: States Ranked from Smartest to Dumbest
Alabama isn't even in the bottom five? Thank God for Louisiana, Mississippi, Arizona, Nevada, and especially New Mexico!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 15, 2005
Another open response to Trevor
The Will to Exist - Blog Archive - Top 10 ways the FedGov enslaves you
Ayn Rand was a skank.
(I had more, but then I realized that we have no common frame of reference. I mean, that entry is just plain nuts. I'll be ignoring him from now on.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:18 AM | Comments (13) | TrackBack
September 20, 2004
What kind of bait are you using?
CNN.com - Zookeepers 'fish' for 12-foot alligator - Sep 17, 2004
Chickens? As it turns out, yes, chickens.
Chucky the Alligator, from the Gulf Coast Zoo, is still loose. He's 12 feet long and weighs half a ton, and for some reason wasn't evacuated with most of the animals when the storm approached. Also left behind were other alligators, deer, and some chickens, which I assume Chucky has already eaten.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:00 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 02, 2004
This has nothing to do with politics!
They're actually talking about footwear. Kids today, wearing their flip-flops to school! Well, I never!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:27 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 09, 2004
It's finally happened
Cheney's going to kill Robert Rubin:
Hamilton-Burr Duel to Be Re-Enacted
Actually, descendants of the duelers will pretend to duel. But I bet Cheney would kill someone.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:40 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 30, 2004
Murphys heading to Counseling with new son, Saddam
HIGH POINT, NC.--Only days after adopting Saddam Hussein, Sharon & Bill Murphy of North Carolina, are taking their new 'son' to family counseling with them.
"He's giving me the creeps and I haven't slept at all," says a plae white Sharon Murphy. "I know Bill thought we were doing our patriotic duty keeping an eye on Saddam here in the U.S. while providing him a good home, but he's just so damned evil."
Bill Murphy was a bit more optimistic.
"He just needs to make some friends, that's all," said Bill, 48, construction worker. "I think the fact that he's older then us is hard and no one has ever disciplined him before; plus it's Summer and he will have structure when schools rolls back around in 2 months."
The Murphys have taken new 'son' Saddam with them to Dr. Gary Beckman, the lone Psychologist in High Point. Beckman's only other brush with fame was treating Bob Dole for depression before the invention of viagra. Since viagra, Dole's been one happy camper. So has Elizabeth Dole (R-NC).
According to a leak in Dr. Beckman's office, Sharon spoke about how Saddam formed a little club at his Summer Camp where he got three boys and two girls to join his "Iraqi Republican Guard of Walnut Oaks" club that he formed immediately upon going to Walnut Oaks Summer camp.
His club members include 13 year olds Jason Schwarz of Charlotte and Willie Mckennon of Durham, 15 year old Ashley Smart of also of Durham, and 14 year olds Jenny and Tommy Jamison of Winston-Salem. The Jamison's were last minute addition when Saddam said it was 'OK' for Jenny to only use hand to hand weapons rather then side arms.
Sharon Murphy also shared her nervousness that several dogs in the area have gone missing while several high mounds have formed in the Murphys backyard.
"Boys will be boys!" Bill Murphy stated. Sharon started openly weeping.
Another problem Sharon mentioned was that Saddam has been praying still to Allah and ignored her attempts to introduce Saddam to Jesus. He then asked her if she'd be interested in being the first wife in his new American 'Harem'.
"He then said I was like an oil well to him in the hills of Baghdad and he wanted to find my gusher, whatever that means," said Sharon who admitted that she didn't hate the way that sounded since Bill works a lot of night hours.
Meanwhile, over concernsfor the Murphy's and the residents of High Point's safety, the State Department has detached several armed guards throughout the town to appear as local drunks & bumbs as to not startle anyone. The State Department aims to continue the quiet and peaceful life of High Point while trying to keep a sharp eye on the activities of the Murphys' newest son.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 29, 2004
Sharon & Bill Murphy of High Point, NC to get Legal Custody of Saddam Hussein
HIGH POINT, NC.--In one of the most bizarre custody cases ever heard, a childless couple will be adopting a sixty five year old former dictator rather than the baby they had been trying for for years.
"I am a patriot and even though Sharon was not comfortable with the decision, we had been at the top of the list for a baby for quite a while and we felt we owed a responsibility to our country and to President Bush that we adopt Mr. Hussein," said Bill in a released statement to the Associated Press Tuesday morning.
Saddam Hussein, the recently deposed and brutal dictator of Iraq, who is responsible for the raping and murder of his people, taking their finances away and keeping it, along with murdering thousands of innocent Kurds and destroying their homes, earned the well deserved nickname, "The Butcher of Baghdad."
Hussein was supposed to be transferred over to Iraqi authorities however a mix-up in paperwork has allowed the Murphys to get legal custody of Hussein. The Petersons are now responsible for Hussein's well being, that he get schooling, be fed three meals a day, and be a contributing member of society.
In return, 17 year old single mom to be Jill Stevens will give up her baby to the Iraqi Government. The interim Government is not overly thrilled with the trade and were overhead as saying, "where we will get the diapers to deal with all that poop." Stevens, who had been in contact with the Murphys about giving them her baby, seemed distraught about having to have her baby in Baghdad.
"This sucks," said Stevens.
Many Americans, however, are outraged at this decision.
"I have been a resident of High Point for over 50 years and my wife and I don't intend to share our twilight years with that evil dictator fella," said long time High Point resident Jimbo Harris, 78. Harris, who runs a local bait and tackle shop is concerned that Hussein's presence in High Point may cause some residents to leave and affect business. "I have been running 'Jimbo's bait & switch' for a long time and my customers are good, honest people; they don't want to go fishing and see Hussein out there with a pistol trying to catch fish in a dictator like manner!"
Harris' statements were clearly echoed around town.
"How am I supposed to get women to sit down and have their hair done in my shop with some disctator running around like a crazy man?" asked beauty shop owner, Marge Jones, 55.
The reaction from the White House was cautious optimism.
"President Bush wants to relay his support to the Murphys and still hopes they vote Republican this November," said White House spokesman, Scott Mclellan. "And this if this doesn't show the humanity of the United States to folks like Michael Moore, then nothing will. Mr. Hussein will get three square meals and a roof over his head down in High Point."
The reaction from the Democratic side was less than enthusiastic.
"While I am hoping John Kerry chooses me for the Vice Presidency, I want to tell everyone in my home state of North Carolina that I am completely against tax benefits for the upper 2%, there are still two America's, and I am not in favor of Saddam Hussein living in High Point," said Senator John Edwards (D-NC).
Kerry also added his caution.
"I was just on the phone with my friend Jacques Chirac in France and he asked that I personally check in on Mr. Hussein from time to time," relayed Senator Kerry. "While I find Mr. Hussein to be evil & repulsive, I promise to work better with the European Union that our current administration so whatever Mr. Chirac wants, I will deliver."
Meanwhile, down in High Point, Saddam Hussein arrives at the Murphy household and the press is swarming for his reaction.
"The Murphys and all Americans are filthy, despicable infidels; death to America, Israel and all the west!" Hussein said through an interpretor. "However, I really appreciate their hospitality and look forward to getting to know my neighbors while figuring out the nicest spot in High Point to set up another palace...wait, forget that last part," Hussein added.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:30 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 07, 2004
This is so wrong
Yahoo! News - The latest fashion must-have: eyeball jewellery
A few women in Amsterdam are getting jewelry implanted in their eyeballs. You'd have to smoke a lot of pot to think that's a good idea.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:24 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 20, 2004
Bad day for blond bimbos
Britney Spears Suffers Knee Injury
Paris Hilton Injured During Show Taping
Britney hurt her knee during a "dance" routine; Paris was kicked by a horse. Good horse.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 03, 2004
Dennis Kucinich as GOLLUM?
John Edwards penknife was confiscated, SUPPOSEDLY, due to tougher security measures at the Albuquerque, NM airport on his way to Oklahoma City. "We must look dangerous" Edwards joked.
Little did John realize that a witness saw little Dennis Kucinich sneaking away from the airport dressed as Gollum, stroking the penknife, and saying "my preccccious."
Posted by Mac Thomason at 06:56 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 29, 2004
Taboo game night becomes violent
Guns were pulled, police were called, & drug paraphenalia found. Hmm, sounds normal to me. Geez, what happens when these people play Chutes & Ladders--a knife fight?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:54 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 28, 2003
Evil parents want children beaten up
ajc.com | Living | Brand babies
And I thought "McCutcheon" was bad. Some parents apparently are naming their kids after consumer products. For instance, the 553 girls (registered with SSNs -- there could be more) named Lexus, Lexxus, Lexis or Lexxis, which combines the advantage of being a car with the advantage of being a good name for porno.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:13 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
November 26, 2003
Hey kids!
Lion & Lamb Releases Top Violent Toys
These are the twelve most violent toys and games out there. Be sure to ask your parents for all of them! And remember to thank the Lion and Lamb Project for assembling the list and making it easy for you!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:21 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 03, 2003
The clothing Gestapo
Enforcers on lookout for bare tummies, toes
On the one hand, I think school administrators have enough problems without spending all their time making sure none of the students is showing their skin or their personality. On the other hand, there's this from the Jefferson County School Board: "Pants must be worn at the waist." Kids today.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:38 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 19, 2003
Will churn for food
Colonial Williamsburg Layoffs 'Inevitable'
The 18th century economy just isn't doing well.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 21, 2003
Austrian kiss
Austria Doctors Perform Tongue Transplant
Can I just say, EWW.
Then I have a question: Do things taste different if you're using someone else's tongue?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:50 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 15, 2003
Splitters
Gnome thefts vex Roseburg homeowners
The Gnome Liberation Organization is now active in Roseburg, Oregon. This is undoubtedly a splinter group from the dreaded Gnome Liberation Front.
(Thanks, Andrew.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:13 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack
July 13, 2003
They stole my idea!
We do avoid psychiatric tests for drivers
The traffic ministry in Nigeria has ordered that "brazen" traffic offenders be arrested, their vehicles impounded, and the drivers given psychological tests. They get their car back when a clinic issues a "certificate of sound mental fitness". We need this.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:32 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
July 07, 2003
Nursery rhymes live
House Shaped Like Giant Shoe Is for Sale
Of course an old woman lives in the shoe:
"If it wouldn't be for my age I wouldn't even think of putting it on the market," said Ruth Miller, 77. "I'd like to find a young couple to come and give it a try."
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:29 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
July 03, 2003
"Missing"?
Three Missing in Texas Fireworks Blast
When an explosion takes place at warehouse full of fireworks, workers who can't be found aren't exactly "missing", per se.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:56 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
June 20, 2003
I am shameless
CNN.com - Teen sues over 'lesbian Barbie' shirt ban - Jun. 20, 2003
I don't really have any comments, I'm just whoring for Google hits again. But who says Barbie isn't a lesbian?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:24 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
May 14, 2003
Now, that's a disturbing image
The Miami Herald | 05/14/2003 | Mr. Stinky signals readiness to reproduce
The Amorphophallus titanum in South Florida has flowered, filling the air with the sweet smell of "dead rat, putrid fish, rotting cheese.. and more". The people at the botanical garden are trying to bring this about. And one day soon, South Florida will be overrun with enormous plants that smell like a field hospital's garbage, look like malformed phalluses, and attract carrion beetles.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:10 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
May 06, 2003
Meet Mr. Stinky
The Miami Herald | 05/05/2003 | Nasty flower power
Craig Allen, apparently of a South Florida botanical garden, has succeeded in raising a blossoming Amorphophallus titanum plant. I've heard of these plants. They're notable for two things: their obscene shape (which gives them their name) and having the foulest smelling flowers in the world.
You just know what's going to happen. As the climate warms, they'll move out of captivity and into the wild, and the entire south will soon be covered in the things. We'll have to wear gas masks all summer. Thanks, Mr. Allen.
(Courtesy Janis Gore.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 06:38 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
April 15, 2003
Camera Two! Camera Two!
Check out the (clothed) mugshot of the man arrested in Georgia for nude lawnmowing. TSG says that he was "astride" a riding mower. Yuck.
(Via Obscure Store.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:32 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
The stark naked story
ajc.com | Gwinnett | Nude retiree arrested while mowing lawn
To be fair, he was in the backyard. The story doesn't say if he was using an upright or a riding mower. I think the former would be worse.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 04, 2003
Take Me To Your Litterbox
Unfortunately, it was a burning cat that made Norwegians think that they were seeing a flying saucer. Apparently, the poor thing climbed up a power pole and somehow short-circuited a high-voltage cable, causing it to burst into flames.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 01, 2003
Howl
Court dismisses case against man who barked at police dog
Ohio law, it seems, makes it illegal to bark at a police dog. Actually, to taunt a police animal, whether dog or horse. However, the dog barked first! The case was thrown out on First Amendment grounds, as it should have been, but I would have tried an equal protection argument. I mean, I'm a person, I have more rights than a dog. (Angry letters from PETA to follow.) Yet the dog is allowed to bark at me and I can't bark back? That's just wrong.
Note to Jeremy Gilchrist: If you intend to continue your career of making animal sounds at police officers, I suggest you stay away from oinking at human cops. They really hate that.
(Link thoughtfully supplied by Janis Gore.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:09 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
March 09, 2003
Aiiee! My eyes!
Why would anyone do that in the first place?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:24 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
February 21, 2003
Mike Tyson really looks different with his face tattoo
Real story:
Immersed in Buddhism and its Meditation on Paradoxes
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:49 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
February 17, 2003
¿Quien es mas loco? (Edicion Miguel)
O
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:08 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
January 13, 2003
Around the Bend
Bend considers rules against odors on buses
The Oregon city plans to ban anyone who emanates "a grossly repulsive odor that is unavoidable by other Bend Extended Area Transit customers". The regulations would also ban defecating, meaning that (a) this has been a problem, and (b) previously, it wasn't banned. I think they should probably worry about that before taking on B.O.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:46 AM | Comments (3)
January 02, 2003
Today
I just realized that today is 01/02/03. Well, I think it's neat.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:13 PM | Comments (3)
December 29, 2002
Hee
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:56 AM | Comments (1)
December 26, 2002
Sometimes it's too easy
'Mature drivers' class to be offered Jan. 15-16
The AARP is sponsoring a driving course to "help drivers 50 years of age and older improve their skills and prevent traffic accidents." A laudable goal, but it leads to lame jokes such as my descriptions of subjects covered in the class:
-- Keeping your left blinker on at all times.
-- Young people and how to annoy them.
-- Driving 40 in the fast lane.
-- How to drive when you can't see over the dashboard.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:18 PM | Comments (2)
December 23, 2002
AAAAIIIIEEEEE!!!!!
Yahoo! News - World Photos - Reuters
An eight-month old rooster weighing 3.3kg, stands on grass May 22, 2002 at the Hebrew University in Rehovot. Israeli scientists at the Agriculture department of the university have genetically engineered bare-skinned chickens as part of a research project to develop succulent, low fat poultry that is environmentally friendly. The naked chicken, as the bird has been dubbed, would also save poultry farmers large amounts of money on ventilation to prevent their chickens from overheating.
But they'll lose it all back on therapy from being traumatized at looking at that thing. Ick. And those little wings! Eeew.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:57 PM | Comments (5)
December 17, 2002
So?
Teen killed practicing 'Jackass' stunt
It's natural selection, isn't it? If someone's stupid enough to jump onto the hood of a moving vehicle for no reason, the gene pool is better off without them.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:27 AM | Comments (1)
December 09, 2002
No bull
APB: Four bovines elude I-20 roundup
Four "big, mean" cattle escaped from a stalled tractor-trailer outside Atlanta and are on the loose. The police searched for five hours but couldn't find them.
(UPDATE: I just realized that the title for this should be "Mooving violation". Terribly sorry.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:36 AM | Comments (0)
December 05, 2002
Good
CNN.com - Creator of 'Bigfoot' legend dead - Dec. 5, 2002
I can't stand these hoaxers, and this one encouraged lots of other hoaxers. That's one less fraud, though I'm sure the people who believe this stuff won't be shaken at all by his family's admission that he was, in fact, a hoaxer.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:16 PM | Comments (3)
December 03, 2002
Okay, it was on takeoff
Small Plane Hits Elk, Erupts in Flames
An elk? I mean, birds, yes, planes hit birds all the time. But an elk is certainly unusual.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:24 PM | Comments (3)
It's a shame
Visiting Bismarck, Explorers Revise Its Story
"We chased the mighty Bismarck and caused her crew to scuttle her rather than allow her to fall into enemy hands" doesn't have the same ring to it.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:26 AM | Comments (1)
November 26, 2002
Shocking news
Nicolas Cage files for divorce from Lisa Marie Presley
This is a complete surprise, of course. I was sure those two wacky kids would work it out!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:36 PM | Comments (2)
November 22, 2002
The whale I get
But why is "The Doomsday Machine" playing on the big screen?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:44 AM | Comments (0)
November 21, 2002
Why am I not surprised?
BBC NEWS | Entertainment | Showbiz | Minnelli defends Jackson in baby row
"I mean, mom used to dangle me from the balcony all the time, and look how I turned out!"
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:41 AM | Comments (0)
November 10, 2002
That's just dandy
ajc.com | News | More teens getting married
To each other, I hope. I'm sure that the marriage advocates think this is good news, but there's no way that your average 18- or 19-year old American is ready for marriage. Most of them aren't even ready to move away from their parents.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:20 PM | Comments (2)
October 29, 2002
Harping on a non-incident...
Just noting that the AP headline avoids "explodes" for "burns", which seems a little more accurate, though the actual fire appears confined to the debris and not the truck cab or the relatively intact parts of the trailer.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:52 PM | Comments (0)
Probably not an explosion
CNN.com - FedEx truck explodes on Missouri highway - Oct. 29, 2002
Even though they say "explodes", it appears from the picture that the truck hit a pole holding up the highway sign and broke apart. Notice that the rear section is resting with its new "front" up against the pole. The front section continued on for maybe 150, 200 feet, packages falling out. The fuel line probably doesn't have anything to do with this.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:48 PM | Comments (0)
October 28, 2002
Among other things
It's not the nudity that's the problem, really. Nudity's great! It's the "syphilitic whore" element of her makeover that's gross. It's a shame, because she actually has some talent (unlike, say, Britney Spears) and she seems determined to flush it down the drain.
``The label (RCA Records) wanted to push the cookie-cutter, kind of play-it-safe, almost virginal kind of imagery that wasn't me,'' she says.
Odd definition of "virginal" she's operating on. What with lyrics like "I'm a genie in a bottle, you have to rub me the right way".
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:31 PM | Comments (0)
October 26, 2002
No, really?
United Press International: Ear cartilage damaged by piercing
Wow, it turns out that poking a hole in cartilage damages it! What are the odds?
In point of fact, it causes infections. I knew that couldn't be healthy. I mean, it doesn't look healthy, does it? If you must pierce, stick to the lobes, okay?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:32 PM | Comments (1)
October 23, 2002
Open wide
Oregon City Bans Pet Alligators
There's a kid in Beaverton who has a pet alligator. It hasn't really done any harm, but it's potentially dangerous, I guess.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:51 AM | Comments (0)
October 22, 2002
Curse you, Red Baron!
Snoopy One blimp takes a dive into Lowndes County
Blimp crash! No one was hurt... There's a picture, but it's a little too big to show on this page, I think.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2002
What happens when you're up at 3:36 AM
The Poor Man presents the PBS daily schedule. Happy trees!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:30 PM | Comments (0)