April 17, 2006
And nature loved her
CNN.com - Family: Bear victim loved nature - Apr 17, 2006
She was delicious.
Okay, that's mean, and we're talking about a six-year-old, but I had to.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:06 PM | Comments (2)
January 19, 2006
Alert Stephen Colbert
al.com: NewsFlash - Alabama Senate votes to make black bear official state mammal
Once again, the legislature caved to the intense lobbying pressure of grade-schoolers who suggested the bear. The bill's sponsor said that he pursued the measure because "we've got everything else." That's not true. We have an official state bird and official state game bird and official state reptile and official state amphibian and official state saltwater fish and official state freshwater fish and official state insect and official state horse and official state tree and official state fruit and official state nut and official state rock and official state mineral and official state gemstone and official state shell and official state soil and official state flower and official state wildflower and official state fossil and official state folk dance, true. But there's no official state freshwater invertebrate or official state fungus or official state unicellular organism or official state grain or official state internal organ or official state state of mind or official state part of speech.
Yet.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:18 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
December 05, 2005
That's good to know
Experts: Playing dead won't fool a black bear
A grizzly bear, maybe. A black bear will think, "Great! He's not fighting back!" and bite you anyway. They suggest throwing things at the bear, which might get it to leave you alone. Black bear rarely attack people anyway.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:13 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
November 27, 2005
Uh-oh, an alliance
al.com: NewsFlash - Deer hunter bitten by black bear
If the bears and deer are working together, we're in real trouble now. Says the man's neighbor, "Our woods up here is overrun by them." Is they?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:17 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 26, 2005
Can't blame it
CNN.com - Bear shot by hunter bites back, dies - Nov 26, 2005
I mean, what would you do if someone shot you? Me, I'd probably whimper a lot, but bears are tougher than me.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
June 23, 2005
Hey, it's summer!
al.com: NewsFlash - Bear back in woods after being tranquilized in Panama City
Everyone goes to Panama City in the summer, even bears. Hey, there are some equally large and hairy human beings who really shouldn't be allowed on the beach -- at least not without a shirt -- and I don't see Fish and Wildlife tranquilizing them and hauling them back to their natural habitat.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:19 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
June 19, 2005
Bear-whacking time
APP.COM - Unbare policy on black bear
The black bear population in New Jersey is up again, which will probably lead to a hunt again, which will inevitably lead to protests by PETAites and other people who think that animals are magic and their populations never get out of control.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:50 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
June 07, 2005
A warning
Canadian Woman Killed by Grizzly Bear | ajc.com
She was jogging with friends. Never go jogging. You might get killed by a grizzly bear.
This has been a message from the North American Lethargy Association.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:46 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
May 20, 2005
Also it's close to the shops
2 black bears find Bibb-Shelby area hospitable
At least two black bears have apparently made their home in Shelby and Bibb Counties, far from the species' nearest population in the Mobile area. There may actually be more than two. Biologists plan "to investigate why a population of the rare species appears to be living hundreds of miles from any of its relatives." Well, why does anyone live in Shelby County? I hear it's the schools.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:10 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
March 02, 2005
Oh, no, not again
Frankly, these students are getting on my nerves. Every couple of months they're promoting another official state something or other. Now it's the Official State Mammal, and they want the black bear. Personally, I vote for the coon hound, which never breaks into your home while you're away and steals your food.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
January 14, 2005
Well, warm for Estonia
CNN.com - Record warm winter stirs sleepy bears - Jan 14, 2005
As you may know, bears don't "hibernate", exactly. But they sleep most of the winter. That's also when cubs are born, and they're very small and weak at first. With their mothers wandering about looking for food, the cubs' chances of survival may be grim.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:07 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 02, 2004
Cal Bear
Black Bear Killed at Calif. High School
A black bear wandered onto a private school campus northwest of LA. Fish and Game tranquilized the bear, transported it to the forest, and then executed it gangland-style with a single shot to the head. Really, that's what they did and how they did it. The only question is if it was killed for being a bear on a school campus, or for being black at a private school.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:55 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 28, 2004
Maryland fighting the insurrection
CNN.com - Maryland's first bear hunt in 51 years - Sep 28, 2004
First New Jersey, now Maryland. Except that "animal protection advocates" (translation: "eco-dummies who don't understand that animals will overrun their ecological niche if not controlled, and one day you'll wake up and bears will be shambling down the streets of Baltimore") are suing to block the hunt. The state DNR, in between attempts to do something about the snakeheads, says the suit is based on "glaringly faulty scientific assumptions." You know, like thinking that animals are magic and never ever outreproduce their habitat.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
September 13, 2004
The real story
Bush pulls into tie with Kerry
I don't really think that Kerry is going to lose Maine, but forget that. The big story is that a proposed ban there on bear-baiting is losing big, 52-35. Bear-baiting? What is this, Elizabethan England?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:53 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 31, 2004
Salmon for everyone!
Alaska Brown Bears Gather for Salmon Feast
Every year, the salmon run in Alaska's McNeil River draws lots of bears, 30 or 40, or more, there to feed. Female bears can eat as much as 75 pounds of fish a day, the males more. This year, tourists got to watch! It's a picturesque scene:
The trail crosses tidal flats littered with mounds of bear scat, and past bear beds dug out in the beach or made from flattened marsh grasses... One bear, dubbed "the diver," held his head under the water with only his rump exposed, often coming up with a fish clenched between his teeth.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:43 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
August 19, 2004
Tying the last two stories together...
CNN.com - Bear guzzles 36 beers, passes out at campground - Aug 19, 2004
See, it's all related! Unfortunately, we don't have a weight for this bear, so we can't tell if six six-packs for it are the equivalent of one six-pack for a normal-sized human male. Also, the bear drank mostly a local ale (switching over from Busch) which I'm guessing would be relatively high in alcohol. Anyway, bears rarely get driver's licenses anymore. Their vision isn't too good, their legs are too short to reach the pedals, and they tend to eat both the written exam and the examiners.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Dog food and Ritz crackers?
Black bear caught after rambling through Cumming subdivision
A 100-pound bear cub was tranquilized yesterday after falling for the old Science Diet dog food and Ritz crackers scam. A police officer drew him in with those (he wouldn't eat the wheat bread) and a DNR biologist hit him with a dart. The bear had been roaming around the Atlanta subdivision for a couple weeks.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:27 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 09, 2004
False advertising!
Bear Burger concession popular with crowd at Heritage Festival
Dammit, if you're going to call it a Bear Burger, it better have some bear in it. And if you're going to sell it at the "Original Southern Heritage Festival" it shouldn't originate in Chicago of all places.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:14 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 04, 2004
I honestly didn't know that could happen
Boy Dies in N.H. After Bear Scare
A 13-year-old boy was, apparently, actually scared to death by a bear in New Hampshire. To be precise, he died of respiratory distress brought on by the encounter. They say he didn't have any known preexisting medical problems.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
May 02, 2004
Oh, gross
Officials: National Zoo Panda Not Pregnant
I really can do without the panda sex grading:
"Tian Tian gets an 'A' for effort, but I have to say he gets an 'F' for technical merit," said Stevens. "He did not make the connection we were all hoping for."
No wonder they're endangered.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:10 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
April 28, 2004
Two for one
Eagle Attacks, Carries Off Bear Cub
Apparently, eagles are on our side in the battle against ursine insurrection. Norwegian experts were monitoring a bear family Sunday when they saw (to their surprise, because they'd never seen such a thing before) an eagle swoop down and carry off -- in full view of the mother -- a six or seven pound bear cub. Norwegian bears were thought to have no natural enemies.
In was not clear what happened to the cub after the eagle flew off with it in the Lierene area of Nord-Troendelag county, 450 miles north of Oslo.
I can guess. Lunch.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 06:22 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 27, 2004
Outward Beared
CNN.com - Teen successfully fights off bear - Apr 27, 2004
So this 15-year-old kid gets sent to Alaska as part of a wilderness expedition for "emotionally troubled youths". And he gets attacked by a 400-pound bear. I'm sure he won't have any emotional problems now!
The boy was bitten in the forearm and back, but managed to punch the bear enough to get her to let him go. He then got chased around a stand of trees until the boy woke the rest of the camp with an air horn; counselors blasted the bear with pepper spray and fired a flare at her feet, and she ran away.
Have you ever noticed that the word "youth" is never used except when referring to troubled teens of some ilk?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
April 16, 2004
Born to eat wild
Weston restaurant owner charged with buying wild meat
The owner of the "Pacific Island" restaurant purchased wild ducks, white-tailed deer, bear and snook from undercover agents of the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission. I don't know what "snook" are but I'm guessing it's a fish which would mean that this goes in all three "pundit" categories.
The defendant says that he didn't feed any of this to his patrons, and that it was only used to feed his employees. Uh-huh.
(Offensive and overly intrusive registration required. Better use email address mac at warliberal dot com, password warliberal.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:30 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
April 12, 2004
Is the attention really good for that?
ABC 7 News - April Declared Panda Month at National Zoo
Apparently in order to encourage mating, April is "Panda Month" in Washington. As opposed to "Pander Month", which, as you know, is pretty much every month.
I'm sorry, I'll try to do better.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:38 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
February 25, 2004
Space bears!
CNN.com - Polar bears at Singapore Zoo turn green - Feb. 25, 2004
As you may or may not know, the white color of polar bears results from hair that is actually hollow and mostly transparent. The hair of the two Singapore bears has algae growing in the shafts, leading to a kind of forest green look. This is what happens when you raise polar bears in the tropics. (It happened in San Diego in '79.)
So, what do you do when you want to lighten a polar bear's hair? Use peroxide, of course.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:00 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
February 01, 2004
The insurrection goes mainstream
I don't drink Pepsi, but I have to give them credit for their bear home-invasion commercial.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:48 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 14, 2004
Smokey and the Mitsubishi
ajc.com | Metro | 450-pound bear killed on I-85
A driver in a Mitsubishi Lancer and a 450-pound black bear had a collision near Atlanta, and the car won. The bear had previously been tagged in Tennessee and traveled something like 120 miles to meet its fate. It was one of those "nuisance bears" that Hawaiian animal-rights activists assure us we can live alongside as long as we close our garbage cans.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
January 08, 2004
Not a beartrap, unfortunately
CNN.com - Trap snares black bear smugglers - Jan. 7, 2004
Virginia state authorities and the National Park Service ran a sting operation against bear parts smugglers and captured over 100 of them. Some smugglers were also involved in trade of wild ginseng from a national park, also illegal.
Among the body parts were gall bladders, "believed in some Asian cultures to treat a variety of ailments, including high blood pressure, impotence and rheumatism". It's always impotence, isn't it. I particularly despise the people who take part in this sort of trade, which is not only disgusting and illegal but also preys upon the clueless.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:23 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 26, 2003
Come on, give!
Bears Give Clues to Avoiding Osteoporosis
Linkmeister points me to this story, which headline makes it sound like the bears know how to avoid osteoporosis but just hint at the solution rather than coming out and telling us...
Bears -- as you probably know -- hibernate for as long as six months (depending upon climate) in the colder parts of the year when food is short. Unlike humans and most other vertebrates, their inactivitity doesn't lead to the bone disease, and scientists want to know why. Come to think of it, there are any number of diseases that lead from inactivity and which might be solved by studying bears.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:04 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
December 19, 2003
Bears moving to Canada
With the New Jersey hunt history, let's look around the bear hunting beat...
The Salt Lake Tribune -- Board expands bear hunt
The number of cattle and sheep killed by bears in Utah has risen since 1996, even as the number of bears killed by hunters has risen. So there are more bears killing more domestic animals, and the state has responded by issuing more bear hunting permits. I'm planning to send word of this to the anti-hunt people in Hawaii to see if I can fool them into going to Utah in the middle of winter.
London Free Press: News Section - Spring bear hunt ban 'huge blunder'
Speaking of frozen wastelands, the new Ontario government has continued a ban on bear hunts in the north of the province. A biologist says that this "will come at a great cost to northern Ontario residents and the bear population". Wait, I thought northern Ontario's residents were all bears anyway. But I kid Canada. Anyway, the Liberals had campaigned partly on restoring the bear hunt; I guess even Canadian politicians break campaign promises.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 17, 2003
Icky story of the day
Police now say severed foot not human
A foot found on a New Zealand beach was originally believed to be that of a small adult woman. It's now believed to be that of a bear's foot a taxidermist gave away to be used as bait. Apparently, if you leave a bear's foot in the water long enough it looks human. Told you it was icky.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:34 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 14, 2003
Let's not do this again
Bear hunt closes with another clash
The New Jersey government sincerely hopes that they won't have to have another bear hunt anytime soon. As do the bears. It will depend upon the breakdown of the bears killed; it appears more were female than male, which would cut into the reproduction rates.
The last day of the hunt was marked by the usual protests and counter-protests and bear fans and strange pro-hunting people wearing camouflage. The anti-hunt people still want everyone to live alongside the bears in harmony and everyone will be happy and there will be gumdrops and fairies and low inflation forever and ever.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 11, 2003
218 bears down
Bear hunt reaches halfway point
How many to go? New Jersey still hasn't decided whether to extend the hunt into the weekend. It would appear that they're roughly on pace to match the desired 500 bears killed sometime in day six.
The person most quoted against the hunt is from the Bear Education And Resource Group. It turns out that this group is based in Hawaii. There are no bears in Hawaii outside the Honolulu Zoo, I believe. (Linkmeister, can you confirm?) The bear advocates are now complaining about one bear cub that apparently escaped after being shot and died on a highway. That's awful, I'll admit, but bad things happen. They're trying to prevent the bears from killing dogs and children. Bear advocates, meanwhile, are allegedly making harassing phone calls to hunters.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:28 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
December 10, 2003
Ah, the Post
JERSEY BEARS ARE DROPPING LIKE FLIES
Count stands at Humans 152, Bears 0. That two-day total is actually a little low, unless more bears were killed after 5 PM last night. The Department of Environmental Protection is aiming for 500 bears in the six-day hunt. The current pace would be more like 450. But it's likely that not all the bears from yesterday were counted, and they may even shorten the hunt. Six of the bears killed so far were "nuisance bears", presumably the ones that invade homes, attack dogs, and the like.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:25 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
December 09, 2003
No refuge for bears
ABCNEWS.com : Judge Allows N.J. Bear Hunt Into Rec Area
The restraining order keeping bear hunters out of the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area has been lifted. Any bears that have taken refuge there (hey, it worked on The Simpsons!) are now fair game.
Environmentalists Bear advocates are predictably outraged. They claim that killing 500 bears out of a population of 3200 won't lessen the number of bears invading suburban property, suggesting that they need a course in elementary statistics.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:16 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Humans 70, Bears 0
HUNTERS KILL 70 BEARS AMID CRIES OF PROTEST
No humans were harmed in the New Jersey Bear Hunt. There were protestors, but they offered little opposition, because when it gets down to it the hunters had guns. Some more mystical protestors prayed that bullets would ricochet off the bears and back at the hunters, showing that (a) they're kind of stupid, and (b) that they like bears more than people.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:48 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
December 08, 2003
It could be worse
Snow storm may hinder bear hunters
They could be hunting polar bears instead of black bears.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Bear goes with cheese
I hope it wasn't one of those bears that feeds on garbage. I hear that what you eat flavors your meat.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:48 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
Bear hunt day
After a lot of court challenges, the New Jersey Bear Hunt of 2003 is set to being today. News stories:
Bears beware: Hunt set to start
Hunters upset over court rulings
Bloodthirsty, much? The bear hunters are upset at the last-minute state keeping them out of the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area, and the revocation of hunting permits for youths under 16.
Where Friends of Bears Foresee Slaughter, Homeowners See Defense Against Invasion
Why can't it be both? The "friends of bears" (hey, give them a hug, why don't you?) argue that the hunt won't protect against home invasions and that people should learn to live with the bears traipsing through their backyards and homes. So the woman who sees three to five bears a day in her yard and has to set off her car alarm to scare them off so she can drive to the supermarket should just get metal garbage cans.
By the way, I've never been able to take the whole "New York Times liberal bias" argument too seriously, and stories like this are the reason why. That paper is simultaneously so stodgy and so back-bendingly evenhanded that it's hard to believe it has any opinion at all.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:39 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
December 02, 2003
Quislings
Suit Challenges Bear Hunt in Federal Park
Animal-rights types are suing to block the portion of the New Jersey bear hunt taking place in the "Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area", claiming that the Federal government hasn't done a real environmental impact study. Knowing this administration, that's probably true. But the animal-rights people are trying to block the entire hunt despite obvious evidence that the NJ bear population is a threat to human life. In other words, they're with the bears.
Full disclosure: I've never hunted in my life and I think the whole idea is kind of icky. But it's not necessarily inhumane, and in the modern world is absolutely necessary for animal population control because humanity has thrown the environment so out of whack. No intelligent individual can call themselves an environmentalist and be opposed to the occasional killing off of animals. And the entire environmental movement owes a great debt to hunters, who are environmentalist allies in many causes.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:38 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 28, 2003
Those are big raccoons
Study: Trash-Eating Bears at Risk of Death
The bears of the Lake Tahoe area don't have to hibernate anymore, because there's always food. For instance, 12 bears shared one Burger King dumpster. Plus there's the now-cliche home invasions.
There are problems, of course. They hit by cars, or are shot for becoming a menace to people. I'm actually glad. I was afraid this story would be about how the bears weren't getting enough exercise and had to be put on a low-carb diet. Give it time.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:31 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 24, 2003
Last minute doubts?
Sportsmen fear bear hunt will be cancelled
There's growing concern among the blowing-animals-away crowd that New Jersey's governor might cancel the state's first bear hunt in over 30 years. The hunt's scheduled for Dec. 8-13. There apparently are too many bears in New Jersey, and you have to get rid of some somehow. The chairman of the Fish and Game Board says that bears are "a renewable resource that we should take advantage of."
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:03 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 21, 2003
I'm up, I'm up!
ABCNEWS.com : Idaho Town Evicts Sleepy Grizzly Bear
A young female grizzly was "hanging out in doorways and garages". Bears simply don't have any respect for human property rights, that's the problem. Anyway, they rounded her up and shipped her to Wyoming.
You know, I can go weeks without even thinking about Wyoming, and here I am mentioning it twice in the same day. Weird. It looks like a verb form, did you ever notice that? Let's all go Wyoming! I'm moved to conjugation. I Wyom, you Wyom, he Wyoms... Or maybe that should be "Wyome", what do you think?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:55 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
November 18, 2003
Poor birds
Exeter News-Letter News: Bear discovers nighttime snack in Exeter back yard
It's a bird feeder, not a bear feeder. At least this bear stayed out of the house.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:09 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
November 17, 2003
Another victory against insurgency
Man Armed With Knife Kills Hungry Bear
The black bear "came out of nowhere" and attacked John Hirsch, 61. Hirsch had only a 3 1/2 inch knife, but he won the fight anyway. The bear was in poor shape, with a severed tongue (ewwwww) and broken jaw, but it's still a bear.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:08 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 14, 2003
Forget thieves
TheWBALChannel.com - News - Bear Transmitter Helps Collar Alleged Thief
We've got to keep track of these bears that keep breaking into our homes!
New Mexico Game and Fish planted a bear transmitter collar inside a CD player after a rash of thefts in their office compound. Sure enough, the thief stole the player (together with a cowboy hat, a shotgun, and athletic shoes) and was tracked down.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:40 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 11, 2003
The man, not the bear
DDN | Man kills bear while on crutches
I don't know if a bear could even use crutches.
Leslie Riggs' lower right leg was amputated this summer. Still, he got on his crutches and went bow-hunting for deer last Friday. Using a fallen oak as a blind, Riggs waited for deer. Instead, a 420-pound bear started heading in his direction. When the bear was 25 feet away, Riggs shot it in the shoulder. (With a bow, mind you.) He then hustled out of there to avoid the wounded bear. It appears he didn't need to; when his son went there the next day, he found the bear dead. Riggs is giving away bear meat to his friends and residents are planning to have the bear either mounted or made into a rug.
(Because you asked for it. Well, Herman did.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:45 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
November 05, 2003
The insurrection spreads
Bear Breaks Into College Building in N.C.
Appalachian State, in Boone -- the far western part of North Carolina -- is the latest target in the ongoing ursine insurgency against human domination. A brown bear actually entered into two buildings, the convocation center and an office building. The police were unable to catch the bear or to find it later. Damage estimated at $150-200.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:18 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
October 16, 2003
USA! USA!
Herald Sun: Bear kills island's last villager [16oct03]
Shotgun blast drops charging grizzly
Vasilina (!) Alpaun was the last human resident of Vrangel Island in the Russian Far East. Normally you'd expect that to be some grizzled, ornery person, but she was only 25. The village, except for her, had been abandoned since 1997 to make room for a bear reserve. And the bears apparently wanted her out.
Meanwhile, in the US -- Montana, home of the ursine insurrection -- two "aggressive" grizzly bears have been shot in recent days. James Beeman shot and killed a charging grizzly (which he interrupted in the act of chicken thievery) with a light gun armed with quail shot, an extremely difficult feat. The other bear apparently escaped. Both are considered legal shots in self-defense, the only circumstances in which you're allowed to shoot grizzlies.
Scores:
USA 2, Bears 0.
Bears 1, Russia 0.
(Thanks to Herman.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:50 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 08, 2003
A hint for the unwary
Alaska Bear Mauling Recorded on Tape
Do not mess with bears. They are bigger than you and are surprisingly fast. They can kill you in any number of ways, and they will. Gentle Ben is a work of fiction. And just because you're used to grizzlies does not mean that you should think that brown bears are just the same, because they're not.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 04, 2003
Booze bear
ajc.com | News | Whiskey-swilling bear captured on Letterman's front porch
On its third trip to David Letterman's house in Montana, a 300-pound black bear was finally captured by authorities. They released him (the bear, not Dave) about 50 miles away in the Flathead National Forest.
In its second visit, the bear drank a bottle of whiskey. You never want to anger a bear, but I expect that's particularly true of a drunk bear.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:40 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack
September 30, 2003
He won't be invited back
Expert says encore by Letterman's bear likely - greatfallstribune.com
They think the bear will try to pay a return visit to Dave's cabin, so they're putting (humane) traps out to capture him. (The bear, not Letterman.) Since the bear got a good meal from the host's refigerator, he could return for another helping, especially since the berry crop was bad this year.
Advice for other Montanans is to keep food locked up and to not have bird feeders, because bears will eat birdseed and currently they're fattening up for hibernation. Home invasions are possible from not just black bears, but grizzlies, too. Yikes.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:33 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
September 26, 2003
Mom, you're embarrassing me in front of a human!
Man Uses Duct Tape for Bear Attack Wounds
A grizzly bear attacked a hunter about 50 miles northeast of Anchorage when he surprised her and her cub. The bear bit him and threw him around for awhile, then wandered off -- first breaking his rifle. (Really, I think the bears are getting wise to us.) However, opposable thumbs and duct tape came in handy once again.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:26 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
September 25, 2003
Bear with me
Bear Found Hanging Out on Furniture Deck
The bears' nefarious attempts to scare people silly continue, and seem to be centered in Minnesota. A woman went to close the shade on a sliding-glass door only to see a bear lounging outside, eating bird seed from a feeder. Another man saw a bear traveling down Highway 96, I assume on foot.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:51 AM | Comments (8) | TrackBack
September 24, 2003
Choose your pun
The title to this post could be (a) TROUBLE BRUIN or (b) BEARS WATCHING. Yes, I probably deserve to be attacked by a bear.
ajc.com | News | Woman fends off bear attack in her own garage
Late Show tale stars Letterman's ranch, Choteau and a bear - greatfallstribune.com
Sure, one black bear invading a home might just be chance. But two bears invading homes -- one of them the home of a celebrity -- is obviously a trend. Remember to keep plenty of M-80s around for when your home is invaded by a bear.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:27 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
July 10, 2003
Insert "Bear" pun here
CNN.com - Bear attacks camper in eastern Utah - Jul. 9, 2003
Said Nick Greeve, 18, of Oregon, "I knew I should have spent my vacation in New Jersey."
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:44 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
July 09, 2003
Bear whacking time
Hunters set sights on bears; Fish and Game approves Dec. hunt
The black bear population in northwestern New Jersey has grown so much that a six-day bear hunt has been approved for early December. Bears aren't exactly what you think of when you think of New Jersey, are they?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:11 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
June 30, 2003
Just a little one
ajc.com | News | Bear seen near downtown Atlanta
Still, driving in Atlanta is traumatic enough without having to worry about being mauled by a bear.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:27 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack
March 06, 2003
Boo-Boo
Search on for Escaped Pet Bear in Ill.
Jerry Mullenix took his pet bear out for a walk, but it didn't return when he called it. Okay, it's bad enough he has a pet bear, but shouldn't he at least have a leash? Not that he could do much if the seven-foot 500-pound bear decided to go elsewhere.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:19 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
December 10, 2002
Bare Bears
Central Florida black bears' hair barely there
More than 15 bears -- a large percentage of a tiny community -- are suffering from a "unique form of mange" which causes most of their hair to fall out. One vet says that they look like "a large, bald rat".
Wait a second... Rats -- Central Florida -- it's Disney! They must be doing this to create a "live action" Mickey Mouse!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:25 AM | Comments (5)
November 18, 2002
Some people
local6.com - Bear Found With Paws Cut Off
Honestly, I don't understand this sort of mentality. Some jackass killed a (protected) black bear, cut off its feet, and dumped the body. What kind of cretin does this?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:02 PM | Comments (3)
October 02, 2002
Bears & Humans
Planet Ark : Toxins put Arctic polar bears and humans at risk
I'm sure that they do. But shouldn't people get top billing?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:15 PM | Comments (0)
September 30, 2002
News From the Pre-Columbian Era
Idaho father saves son from bear attack with bow and arrow
Distracted the bear when it was on top of his son (not a kid; the father is 50, the son 29) and when it charged him shot it through the neck.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:24 PM | Comments (0)
August 24, 2002
Rare bear
CNN.com - Alaska protects one rare white bear - August 24, 2002
It's a black bear, but it's white. So it's under special protection, an emergency regulation passed yesterday.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:20 PM | Comments (0)
April 23, 2002
Tourist trap
CNN.com - Don't see Greenland for its polar bears - April 23, 2002
Tip for travel agents: tell your customers that they should go to see the penguins. They're tourists, they won't know that penguins are Antarctic.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:01 AM | Comments (0)
March 25, 2002
Ketchup Packet Bear
Uh... OK.
If you're going to put together a giant ketchup-packet bear to shoot at, the least you can do is get a real gun. I mean, a BB gun? That's just sad.
(Via Pop Culture Junk Mail, again.)
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:49 PM | Comments (0)