War Liberal: Fun With Search Requests Archives

A lot of searches like this this morning. I don't know what the story is, but I assume someone somewhere tried to tie the two together. My post "Frist connected to HealthSouth!", was partially tongue-in-cheek, about a company that Richard Scrushy used to run moving to Nashville at the behest of Frist's brother. HealthSouth and Scrushy were also major campaign donors to Frist.

There's no surprise here. Frist comes from the medibusiness industry. It would be surprising if he hadn't crossed paths with Scrushy at some point.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:26 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 06, 2005

I grow paranoid

Google Search: mac thomason

Why is someone at the New York law firm Skadden, Arps, Slate, Meagher & Flom Googling me? This is twice, at least.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:32 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

June 03, 2005

Do I want to know?

Google Search: gestapo pants

No, I don't think I do.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:10 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 09, 2005

Extremely broad Turkish search requests

Google'da Ara: effects of war on everything

Wow. That's a tough one. I'd have to say that "everything", the whole universe, is very big and mostly made up of empty space. Most matter is part of extremely massive objects (stars and black holes) which no known war could do much of anything to. Therefore, on average, the effects of war on everything should be considered "None".

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:48 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

April 03, 2005

Not that there's anything wrong with that

How did I wind up one of Google's top ten hits for gay people? Do they know something I don't?

Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:44 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

January 21, 2005

Dear perverts:

Google Search: smootopia

Apparently one of my joking posts about a Jefferson County Commissioner has the same title as a page for jailbait. I am very sorry that I've actually got the #1 Google ranking for this. You'll just have to survive and move on to the next hit.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:38 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 29, 2004

Not dead

Google Search: Dick Ebersol

I used his name in a post title once. Now I'm on the first page for it on Google. He survived a plane crash this weekend, and ever since it was announced there's been a flood of searches for him popping up even though I really have nothing to say.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 05, 2004

Goofy search requests (mostly-women edition)

Google Search: Hanan Ashrawi breastfeeding

I don't want to know.

Google Search: "theresa heinz kerry" jewish family
Google Search: "john edwards" wife lawyer elizabeth jewish

Damn, they do all stick together!

Google Search: cameron diaz acne

Ah, the old reliable.

MSN Search: "can you eat snakeheads?" -- More Useful Everyday

Yep. Unless you're pregnant, in which case you better not, because of mercury.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:45 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 04, 2004

Tale of the Tape

Google Search: edwards cheney height weight

It is a debate, not a boxing match, right? If it is a boxing match, my suggestion for Edwards is that he should go with the jab, keep separation, and try to tire Cheney out until he has a heart attack.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 24, 2004

Oddly precise search requests

Google Search: fat people named Linda

I don't want to know.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:06 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 21, 2004

Inexplicable Google Searches

Google Search: is michael savage marry

Huh, that's not very clear, is it?

If the question is "Is Michael Savage married?" the answer is "My God, I hope not. What a nightmare for that poor woman."

If the question is "Is Michael Savage merry?" the answer is "It sure doesn't sound like it," unless by "merry" you mean "gay", in which case he's clearly repressing it.

If the question is "Is Michael Savage Mary," the answer is "Probably yes, in that he regularly dresses up in drag." I can't prove that, but you can't say for certain that it's not true, can you?

Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:01 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

July 20, 2004

"Troy" outed?

Google Search: "troy king" homosexual

Well, somebody's thinking along the same lines as me.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:41 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 08, 2004

Really yucky search requests

I mean, ew. What were you thinking? I've got like three different searches for this, so I assume there's some sort of rumor going about. I don't want to think about it.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 04, 2004

Recherches particuli�res dans AOL

Votre recherche pour : pigsonline

The French are very sophisticated.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:44 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

May 05, 2004

Unlikely South African search requests

Google Search: war with happy ending

Ha, keep dreaming. I didn't know that Chris Hitchens was in South Africa...

Bonus American search request:

Google Search: lalalalalalala

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:53 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

April 14, 2004

I don't actually hate Germans

It's really just a coincidence that I'm the #1 Google hit for both Germans go home and I hate Germany. Really, it is.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:57 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

February 20, 2004

Well, that's weird

Google Search: captain renault

I just got three identical Google searches for this in a row. And it wasn't the same guy -- it was from three wildly different IPs. Is Casablanca on?

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 13, 2004

Dumbass spelling error of the day

Yahoo! Search Results for Are miners getting married without their parents consent?

Well, most miners are adults, so generally they're allowed to get married without their parents' consent, unless you're in a really extreme patriarchal society or something.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:26 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 03, 2004

Interesting findings from search requests

Google Search: jomentum

"Jomentum" seems to be a place in Norway. Or maybe a band or something. I don't speak Norse, or Norwegian, or whatever they call it. I only had one Norwegian reader and he's been gone for awhile.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 05:11 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 18, 2004

Peculiar search requests of all lands

Google-s�kning: yoko ono IQ

I think it's Swedish. From our shores:

Google Search: hookers in Huntsville

Don't look at me.

Yahoo! Search Results for pandas how they harm the environment

Damn pandas think they're so cute.

Google Search: dogs paleontology

I'm sorry, most paleontological departments continue to discriminate against canines in their hiring practices. From Canada:

Google Search: "what an asshole"

I have never been so proud to be the number one hit. From the Netherlands:

Zoeken naar: knight rider movie

I thought David Hasselhoff was big in Germany.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 06:04 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 13, 2004

It was a clean hit, actually

Yahoo! Search Results for Manimal The Movie

And I liked Manimal. Of course, I was twelve at the time.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 12, 2004

Peculiar Yahoo search requests

Yahoo! Search Results for Belgian dairy farms during the thirties

Yahoo! Search Results for toilet paper dispenser

Yahoo! Search Results for nude naked strange weird ugly

Yahoo! Search Results for Atlanta Hawks suck

Well, that last one isn't that peculiar.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:00 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 24, 2003

Peculiar German search requests

Google Suche: harlots

Still, it's a whole lot better than all the searches for Gestapo uniforms which I feel like I should report to somebody.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 21, 2003

Royite search requests

Google Search: lifetime appointment "alabama supreme court"

Sorry, boys, doesn't work that way. It's an elected position.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 20, 2003

Sure thing

Google Search: gwyneth paltrow's email address

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:35 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 13, 2003

God save us

Google Search: "Roy moore for president"

Yep, I'm the #1 hit. I'm going to be cleaning out the troll cage for days, I'm afraid.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:24 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Say wha? search requests

Google Search: Roy Moore hindu

iWon Search -- Liberal Bush

They want Moore's views on Hindus (or vice versa) and Bush's on liberals (ditto), right?

UPDATE: Here's another one: Google Search: how do i escape from canada

Just walk south until it's warm.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 12, 2003

Perverted search requests

AOL Search: Results for "legal age to get married without parental consent in mississippi"

Typical Mississippian. Typical AOL user. Left three identical messages (two words, rhymes with duck shoe) which I have deleted.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:52 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 28, 2003

Today's odd referrals

Google Search: where i can meet arabic guys

I suggest in the general area where Africa and Eurasia meet.

Yahoo! Search Results for Poets and Drugs

I think you've come to the wrong place.

Google Search: war and fish

You, however, are in the right one.

Ask Jeeves Results: Killing Siblings

If anyone kills anyone, I am going to turn this car around right now!

Google Search: civet cats, prairie dogs, giant gambian rats

This search was from some sort of phone sex spammer. That's all we need, pervert rodent phone sex spammers.

Google Search: healthsouth liberal

AOL Search: Results for "michael SAVAGE A LIBERAL?"

See, if you don't like liberals, you just call anyone or anything that people hate "liberal" and then you can say that liberals are awful. This happens several times a day.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:15 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

October 13, 2003

And now you know

Google Search: liberal water

Yes, the source of all life is liberal. And yet, it continues to allow itself to be dominated by reactionary iron and conservative-leaning carbon compounds. Because water just isn't organized.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

Live long and prosper, Comrade

Yahoo! Search Results for vulcans communist

Well, of course. But I don't trust Starfleet either. I mean, five year mission, five year plan -- it's obvious. Plus they don't have money.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:02 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

October 08, 2003

Dumbest search request ever

Google Search: What is rain made out of

This one came in to my other site, but I had to share.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:06 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

Bizarre and/or disturbing search requests

Yahoo! Search Results for underage "raw food" children

Google Search: arby's meat is fake

Google Search: Proper way to wear a kilt underwear

Google Search: girl scouts liberal

That doesn't count the troll who was looking for someone to call by the n-word and settled on me, which is ironic because I don't even tan.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:46 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 05, 2003

Odd search requests of the day

Google Search: my worldview

You mean you don't know?

Google Search: liberal side of the use of nuclear weapons

We're against it.

Yahoo! Search Results for who makes styrofoam ten commandments

Just look in the Yellow Pages under "Ten Commandments -- Styrofoam".

Google Search: dead sea scrolls fake

They're not.

Yahoo! Search Results for why is cootie gay?

You mean you don't know?

Posted by Mac Thomason at 04:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 04, 2003

Dumb people's search requests (updated)

Yahoo! Search Results for beyond with james van praagh cancelled

To the dumb guy who searched for this then posted an attempt to defend "psychics" generally and John Edward specifically: You're dumb.

To expand upon the basic point... There's no such thing as psychic powers. John Edward is a con man. What's more, he's a con man who stole his entire act from Van Praagh, who suddenly saw his act making millions for this goofball upstart and tried to capitalize with his own show, only to fail utterly.

The entire "psychic" act is based upon: (1) Cold reading; (2) selective editing; and (3) out-and-out cheating by getting the answers beforehand. This has been known for years by anyone with a lick of sense.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 26, 2003

Spying on the Vulcans, are we?

Yahoo! Search Results for deep space probes cia

Yep, Pioneer and Voyager were CIA spy probes. Everybody knows that.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 22, 2003

FWSR: Special Roy Moore edition

Google Search: commandments moore alabama insane

Yes he is. I'm so glad to be the top result there.

Google Search: blog roy moore

Not yet, but it's fun to contemplate.

WHY DOES INSTAPUNDIT HATE GOD?

Infamous blashphemer Glenn Reynolds calls the anti-religious decision of the Supreme Court a victor for anti-idiotarianism. As a law professor, he must surely know that Blackstone wrote...

Yahoo! Search Results for Roy Moore's address

Um... why do you want to know? Leave me out of it, whatever the reason is.

Google Search: atrios "roy moore"

So that's who he is! What a disguise!

Google Search: fuck hamas

Nothing to do with St. Roy, but yeah.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:50 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

August 20, 2003

Yee-haaaouch!

Google Search: miracle rodeo ointment

I don't think I want to know.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 19, 2003

Oh, come on!

Google Search: kkk liberal

What's next? "Hitler liberal"? "Ghenghis Khan liberal"? "Ebola virus liberal"?

We liberals have enough problems without conservatives trying to dump their paleoracists on us.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 15, 2003

Fair & Balanced search requests

Google Search: "fair & balanced"

See, use it often enough and you wind up fourth in a search. (Fox apparently spells out "and" instead of using the ampersand.) To be sure, they found that phrase here.

Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack