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September 02, 2004
Bin Laden, others to Receive Prime Time Speaking Engagement at Nader Convention
Roswell, N.M.--Against the objections of most reasonable thinking Americans and all of his financial donors, Ralph Nader has decided to hold his 4 day convention in Roswell, New Mexico at the Roswell Convention Center.
Expected to attend are over 400 Nader supporters from around the country and 50 delegates, one from each state. Among the celebrities planning to attend are Phil Donahue & his wife Marlo Thomas, Susan Sarandon & Tim Robbins, Janene Garofelo, Carrot Top, Natalie Maines from The Dixie Chicks, and of course, Michael Moore, director of "Farenheit 9/11".
Nader, who is only going to be on the ballot in 23 states, still thinks he can become the 44th President of the United States.
"I am not dillusional and nor have I ever sought medical treatment for my brain," a defiant Nader told the press after the announcement of Roswell for his convention. "I am here to run John Kerry into the ground..and oh yes, George W. Bush."
Nader, who's presence in the 2000 election cost Democratic candidate Al Gore the office of the Presidency, feels that the democratic party has ignored his needs and his issues. Chief among his concerns; eliminating all corporations and the Government handing each and every American the same $100 check every week.
"Communism is the only way to go...Russia had it right," Nader said. "Furthermore, we need to destory all cars and anything that doesn't have all Americans walking everywhere. We are too fat and we all need to get in shape!"
Michael Moore rolled his eyes.
Ralph Nader's chief of staff, the honorable Chief Nakahoma of the Connecticut Gaming & Casino Commission, has announced the prime time speaking lineup for the Roswell convention: Actor Sean Penn & former San Francisco Mayor Jerry Brown on Monday, former Nader running mate LaDuke and for Ross Perot running mate Admiral Stockdale on Tuesday, Chairman Yassir Arafat of the Palestinian Authority & Tina Yothers of "Family Ties" on Wednesday, and joining Nader on Thursday night will be International terrorist, Osama Bin Laden.
Bin Laden, who could not be reached for comment, sent out this press release from somewhere inside Pakistan: "I am honored to be speaking on behalf of the great American infidel, Ralph Nader at his convention. I only hope my presence will help Mr. Nader score a huge upset victory in November so that we can all finally say, "Good Day, President Nader".
Bin Laden's spokesperson Ahmed Muhammed of Tehran said Bin Laden has no further comment but will take questions on Thursday and will be speaking in person.
Posted by Mac Thomason at September 2, 2004 03:40 PM
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