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March 19, 2003
Captain Euro, Victim of Espionage
HEADLINE: Listening Devices Are Found in EU Offices
Captain Euro, Victim of Espionage
[The following transcript is from recently declassified U.S. Government intelligence gathered from listening devices at EU headquarters in Brussels.]
FIRST VOICE: Zut alors! The Americans are really going to war!
SECOND VOICE: Calm down, Pierre. We must remain sensible during this crisis.
PIERRE: But, Dieter, if the Americans find the documents then [inaudible] prison if we’re lucky.
DIETER: This is true. It would never do for the world to find out about [inaudible] doomed. [BUZZER] Mademoisselle, send in Captain Euro.
CAPTAIN EURO: Reporting for duty! Can you believe the nerve of the Americans? And the British, they’re not truly European at all.
DIETER: Never mind that, Captain. We have a very important duty for you.
PIERRE: The entire future of the Union relies on this.
EURO: But the Spanish! I’m very disappointed in them. They have always seemed to be good members of the community, and now they’re acting unilaterally. They just don’t understand that the important thing is to –
PIERRE: Enough! We agree with you, of course, Captain. But for the sake of the EU, we must move on.
EURO: But of course. What is it you need me to do?
DIETER: There are certain documents…
PIERRE: Important, propietary documents.
DIETER: Yes, that have fallen into the hands of Saddam Hussein.
EURO: Oh, yes, he’s a strong leader. Did I ever tell you about the time that I –
DIETER: Captain! It is important that the Americans and British not discover those documents.
EURO: Why?
PIERRE: Are you questioning us? We are duly appointed bureaucrats, Captain.
EURO: But of course. I apologize.
DIETER: Anyway, Captain, we need you to go to Baghdad and recover – or failing that, destroy – those documents.
EURO: Baghdad? But the Americans are about to start bombing there. Carpet bombing, according to all the papers!
DIETER: Of course. It’s a highly dangerous mission. That’s why you’re the only man we can afford to -- uh, trust with this important matter.
PIERRE: We are counting on you.
EURO: Oh, I am so honored. [SNIFFLES]
PIERRE: Anyway, Captain, there is a secret flight into Damascus tonight. Once there you will cross the border at
[The remainder of this document is classified.]
Posted by Mac Thomason at March 19, 2003 10:20 AM
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Comments
I love your Captian Euro adventures. Keep up the good work!!
Posted by: PAUL at March 19, 2003 11:12 AM
Here I come to save the dayyy! Captain Euro's on the way! Going to help the Americans and British guard the oil fields--after all French interests are involved. They must not fall into Kurdish and /or Turkish hands. Domm! DA. DOMM! (Need to have a bunch of "backsheesh" money on hand in case of capture.)
Posted by: Steve Plonk at March 19, 2003 12:07 PM
"I guess he's out wronging rights, depressing the opressed, and generally making an ass of himself."
- David Eddings
Posted by: Tatterdemalian at March 19, 2003 05:37 PM
I just love Captain Euro. He is one of the funniest fall guys created. Though for some odd reason I see Captain Euro being French, even though he is a composite of all EU nations.
Posted by: Green Baron at March 23, 2003 05:22 AM
Cute!
Of course, the only problem is that he's speaking (zut alor!English! Of course, I couldn't it follow it otherwise. (I'm sure my European bretheren would find great humor in that irony...)
Perhaps sometime you could send him against McDonalds...
Posted by: Tim at March 30, 2003 06:48 AM