August 14, 2005
Results: Skip Bayless vs. Larry Bowa
Bayless 90, Bowa 6
They're gaining on Skip Bayless. If this thing went fifteen or twenty rounds, he might be challenged. As it is, he rolls on with another total destruction of an overmatched opponent.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:30 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack
August 12, 2005
Skip Bayless vs. Larry Bowa
2. Skip Bayless
Defeated Kirk Herbstreit 110-8
Defeated Chris Fowler 110-2
The Opposition Case:
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, BAYLESS? IT'S THAT YOU'RE LAZY. IN MY DAY, COLUMNISTS DIDN'T JUST WRITE THE SAME THING OVER AND OVER, 'SO-AND-SO ISN'T AS GOOD AS SUCH AND SUCH', 'I DON'T THINK HE'S A HALL OF FAMER'! THEY PUT SOME EFFORT INTO THEIR WORK!!! DROP AND GIVE ME TWENTY!!! -- Larry Bowa
The People Speak:
"Skip Bayless is, in fact, the Dark Lord Satan, and feeds on the souls of children." -- Adam
"Treats sports as more important and earth-shattering than terrorist plots. Face made for radio, yet he is on ESPN at every turn. Consistently wrong about just about everything. The walking embodiment of everything wrong with sports journalism in particular and journalism in general." -- Matt
"Possibly the devil incarnate. A nastier human being has never been known in the sports world. He would write a column trashing his own mother. He must advance." -- Jenny
"If he's the representative of the good old school days, then I'm glad they are gone. That and the plague. But mostly him." -- Brad
"Skip Bayless sucks at life." -- Ramar
"The personification of pure evil." -- J [Satan Count: 3]
"I would voluntarily hurl my television from my third-floor apartment window if doing so could somehow guarantee that Skip Bayless would never be allowed to talk, write, or even think about sports for the rest of eternity." -- Vic
"I think I'd rather take a sponge bath in the collected pus of 1000 Ebola victims, with full knowledge of certain horrible painful death that would occur when my internal organs liquified and ran in bloody rivers from every pore and orifice of my body, than ever, Ever, EVER subject myself again to the sight, sounds or words of Skip Bayless." -- Cult of Basebaal
"The spawn of hell. You feel bad for Skippy? Ask if he needs some ideas for suicide methods.
Just an evil person. No redeeming qualities. A small person who cannot stand accomplishment in others. Lies, yells, distorts the truth." -- Kelly from SD
"What are you guys talking about? I love Bayless. He makes me smile, and think about rainbows, bunny rabbits, and butterflies. I go to a world of make-believe where unicorns exist and run with the centaurs and Keebler elves.
"*snicker*
"Go to hell, Skip." -- Colin Hesse
"bayless, go back to hell." -- Jay R. [Final Bayless is Satan Count: 5]
Versus
3. Larry Bowa
Defeated Mark Jackson 67-34
Defeated Mel Kiper 62-31
"This guy was a hack as a Manager, a nut job of a human being and even I appear sane next to Bowa. Geez, he might blow gasket the next time anyone dare suggest he was a bad manager. And besides, let's be honest... considering the way I have steamrolled all the competition, is there ANY doubt I won't just steamroll Bowa? Hell, he's so stupid and crazy, he will just show up anyway to get his ass kicked, AGAIN, like he's the phillies Manager all over again." -- Skip Bayless
The People Speak:
"Bowa is a terrible coach, analyst, and human being, I have no idea why he has a job." -- Adam
"You know you're bad when you make Harold Reynolds look like a friggin genius. Bowa could've driven the '27 Yankees into the ground." -- Aram
"Larry Bowa was annoying as a player, worse as a manager and adds nothing as a baseball analyst except a few well timed expletives - see ya Larry." -- J Lichty
"I AM LARRY BOWA!! LOOK AT HOW LOUD I AM TALKING!! THAT AUTOMATICALLY MEANS I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT!! BOW DOWN TO MY &*$$-ING SUPERIOR KNOWLEDGE OF BASEBALL FUNDAMENTALS!! BAH HAH HAH HAH!!" -- Colin Hesse
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:54 AM | Comments (101) | TrackBack
August 11, 2005
Dick Vitale vs. Jay Mariotti
1. Dick Vitale
Defeated Linda Cohn, 66-51
Defeated Digger Phelps, 79-18
The Opposition Case:
"What, Dick Vitale is going to call ME out? Please. In Chicago, they think Dick is a joke... more like Dick-less Vitale if you ask me. I think he's clearly seeking advice from Woody Paige so this is gonna be easy despite his #1 seed. Look, Vitale is like the Cubs... annoying, loud, always thinks he's good and yet won't go away from the American public." -- Jay Mariotti
The People Speak:
"When your shtick is cutsie phrases, you should be required to come up with a new one once every ten years or so, baby." -- Jonathan F.
"If you want Hell on the airwaves, listen to him pontificate on non-Basketball topics, or hear/see clips of his motivational speaking. Even mildly insane people will only choose to do so once." -- Herman
"Listening to him every so often on MIke and Mike is like getting a barium enema. And watching him explode all over TV during march madness -- it's awful, babeee!" -- Brian
"He's the worst color commentator EVER, in any sport. Worse than Walton, worse than Joe Morgan, worse than Tim McCarver, worse than the Sunday Night Football duo. Completely unlistinable." -- Adam
"It's obvious Dickie V loves college basketball, loves the kids who play it, and wants to give respect to all the teams and players who work so hard to make it great. It is also obvious that he needs to be hit with a tranquilizer and beaten with a baseball bat." -- Brad
"My least favorite Vitale memory: several years ago, he was broadcasting a game with Keith Jackson, whose mother had just died that morning. For whatever reason, Jackson came in and did the broadcast anyway. Vitale spent most of the game repeatedly and loudly commending Jackson for his noble dedication to his job in the face of this painful tragedy. Just incredibly callous. I'm certain Keith was thrilled to be reminded of the fact every five minutes at volume setting eleven." -- Sweeper
"The quintessential Vitale at the Draft moment was in 2004 when the Celtics took high school power forward Al Jefferson 15th overall. Vitale, almost literally foaming at the mouth, starts YELLING at the camera about teams ignoring college players for high schoolers with his key phrase being "I don't understand the thinking". Damn right you don't you ancient sack of monkey crap. Of course if they redid that draft today there wouldn't be a team in the league that wouldn't take Jefferson in the top 5. Josh "sure bust" Smith too. Not to mention that Dwight Howard would still go number 1. Yeah all those high schoolers sure are ruining the NBA, Dickie!" -- Ted
"Remember that frozen pizza commercial Vitale did a few years ago? (And wasn't that a brilliant idea? Get the guy with the most annoying voice in the world to hawk your product? Maybe they were thinking people could use the empty pizza box to puncture their eardrums.) Is it wrong that I kind of hoped that instead of leaving Vitale hanging from the rim, the basketball players would instead nail him to the backboard?" -- Phil
"I do, however, keep on hoping that if Vitale shouts "Bay-bee!" enough, it will somehow re-animate the vengeance-seeking corpse of The Big Bopper, who will then climb out of his grave, seek out the offender, and make him pay in best B-movie fashion for abusing the catchphrase so horrificially." -- Deadguy
"Wouldn't it be awesome if his co-anchor suddenly snapped after hearing one too many "bay-be's" and started strangling Vitale, Homer Simpson style?" -- Charles Odell
"Of course for him to accept any award, you'd have to surgically remove him from Coach K's posterior, but that in itself would be Must See TV." -- DJ
Versus
5. Jay Mariotti
Defeated Buster Olney, 84-20
Defeated Beano Cook, 81-12
The Opposition Case:
"OH MY GOD... MARIOTTI... WHAT A PTP'ER... I MEAN, HAVE YOU SEEN HIM ON AROUND THE HORN? WHAT A JOKE. HE CLEARLY HAS NOT COMPLETED 4 YEARS OF COLLEGE. LOOK, UNLESS YOU GO TO COLLEGE FOR 4 YEARS AT DUKE OR NORTH CAROLINA, HOW AM I, AS A #1 SEED SUPPOSED TO SEE, JAY MARIOTTI AS REAL COMPETITION? IT'S LIKE HE'S A HIGH SCHOOL KID OR A EUROPEAN WHO DIDN'T KNOW BETTER AND PLAY FOR COACH K FOR 4 YEARS. JAY, BABY, YOU'RE DOWN!" -- Dickie V.
The People Speak:
"The man is just aching for a punch in the face. Aching for it." -- Dan
"If he's a writer, I don't need to know how to read." -- Chris From Park Slope
"Can we rig up a punching machine and tie Mariotti in front of it? That would save everyone's arms & hands from fatigue and pain." -- John in Austin
"There is a reason these writers are better on paper than on TV - its called the delete key. BTW...what exactly does Jay have to be so arrogant about anyway?" -- Dewey
"I haven't watched a show that he's been on in so long that I'm only going by memory, but those memories are strong enough that I'd still punch him in the face." -- Paul [It is incredible how many people want to punch Jay Mariotti. -- MT]
"The first time Mariotti appeared on ESPN i couldnt stop thinking he was the nerd from "Freaks and Geeks," then he started talking and i realized he just blows." -- Kasko
"Mariotti might be the biggest asshat on television right now." -- Mattskralc
"Instead of tapping a patients knee, doctors should measure reflexes by seeing how fast someone reaches for the remote when they first realize Jay Mariotti is filling in for Tony on PTI." -- Chris
Voting now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:41 AM | Comments (125) | TrackBack
Results: Chris Berman vs. Dan LeBatard
LeBatard 82, Berman 64
With a late surge that certainly didn't have anything to do with him going on the radio and asking for votes, Dan LeBatard knocked out Chris "Tim-"Berman to move to the round of 8. I have the vote as 62-52 before LeBatard went on a 30-2 run.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:00 AM | Comments (17) | TrackBack
August 10, 2005
Results: Michael Irvin vs. Bill Walton
Irvin 75, Walton 29
Cocaine wins easily, as Michael Irvin takes out the big hippie, who wants to know if you've ever looked at a basketball, I mean really looked.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 01:20 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack
Tony Reali vs. Bob Ryan
6. Tony Reali
Defeated Michele Tafoya 78-13
Defeated Mike Tirico 50-34
The Opposition Case:
"Tony Reali is a Yankee-loving punk. His own mother is ashamed of him. What a joke! I am going to lose to THIS guy? Over my dead body. Whose thumbs did you have to break, Tony, to get a job in Bristol? You are clearly taking steroids which would explain both your surly attitude and slick hair. You're going down, Yankee boy!" -- Bob Ryan
The People Speak:
"How did the bland, talentless stat boy ever become the host of a show? They must just hire guys who'll never have any reason to ask for a raise." -- Sam
"Reali is a rancid piece of [MUTED...] monkey [MUTED...] testicles [MUTED...] for breakfast!! I hate that guy." -- Mattymatty
"Reali was fine as Stat Boy. Then they gave him hosting duties for ATH and his head grew so much that it now fills both studios." -- Mtvcdm
"I just can't get over this one mental block: Tony Reali has won fame and fortune entirely because he sits at a desk and pushes a button to rate the cogency of arguments by Woody Paige and Jay Mariotti. Swirl that bitter wine around in your mouth for a bit, and see if you can choke it down. I can't -- not without my head exploding with rage. So the vote goes to Reali." -- Phil
"I simply can't let my hatred of Tony Reali ever go unregistered. He is without a doubt the biggest douchebag on ESPN. None of you have any idea how much I hate this man. He is the belligerent version of Ryan Seacrest. I would like to suggest a new show: "Soak the ATH Participants." Audience members would be invited forward to hurl projectiles at Paige, Mariotti, REALI, etc. and every time they hit the mark the TV personality would fall into a vat of acid. I would tape every episode." -- Jenny
Versus
10. Bob Ryan
Defeated Peter Gammons 75-23
Defeated Tim Legler 54-29
The Opposition Case:
"Look at this old, pudgy Irish flake... how does a young, good looking Italian guy like me ever lose at ANYTHING to that overgrown leprechaun. Hell... points for Mariotti, point for Woody Paige, point for Cowlishaw. Ryan, I will take you down. Somebody get me some more airtime... I am where it's at!" -- Stat Boy
The People Speak:
"Bob Ryan represents everything that is wrong about Boston. And possibly all of New England." -- Will
"For all I know, he's a sensitive soul who's gentle with children, and cries when he sees big-eyed kittens, and has personalized unicorn stationery, but he sounds like an angry, liquored up Irish uncle going on about the Battle of McBleaogh of 1723." -- Bill Walsh
"He looks like an Oompa Loompa who left the Chocolate Factory for a stint at J-School. Actually, that's not fair to the Oompa Loompas. They still have relevant things to say to society." -- Phil
"Ryan just talks. Actually, he yells, rants, and behaves like a child. You don't want to have a cup of coffee with Ryan. You just want to stick him with the bill. Then, go find his car and slash a couple of tires." -- George
"Evidence that stupidity is not only expected but rewarded at ESPN." -- EY
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 12:26 PM | Comments (94) | TrackBack
August 09, 2005
Chris Berman vs. Dan LeBatard
1. Chris Berman
Defeated Rece Davis 56-12
Defeated Sean Salisbury 45-40
The Opposition Case:
"If I lose this match up it will be because of racism. Racism against smart white guys from Miami... and did I mention I was devastatingly handsome? My mom sure thinks so... she says I am a real stud with the ladies. Berman is fat and smells really bad. Not to mention that I may claim racism and make outrageous statements but Berman would actually have to remember people's real names to even get the nicknames right anymore since he's so clearly senile. It's probably all thos eyears of steroids he's been taking. I mean, c'mon, you just KNOW he's taking something and I will continue my ridiculously irresponsible Journalism and make outrageous claims that I would think COULD be true." -- Dan LeBatard
The People Speak:
"A catchphrase spewing jackass whose inexplicible popularity gave rise to every catchphrase spewing jackass that followed. As such, he's pretty much solely responsible for the decline of Sportscenter, and ESPN in general." -- Adam
"Just because Fatso is the face of your network doesn't mean he has to be present at every big event. Next time you broadcast the U.S. Open golf tournament do not, DO NOT, allow Berman anywhere near the course. He ruins an otherwise fine broadcast." -- Andre La Plume
"His nicknames were cute when I was 12 - back when Gallagher and Carrot Top were funny, too. " -- Brak
"He single-handedly ruins every sporting event or sports-related broadcast he is a part of with his tired, awful, annoying schtick." -- Sam
"The emodiment of nearly everything that's awful about that increasingly awful network. Despite ample evidence of his awfulness, he's trotted out for everything -- the Home Run Derby, the NFL Draft, and, for all I know, those putt-putt tournaments ESPN2 used to show over Thanksgiving Day weekend. And he's never, ever going to leave or be fired -- decades from now our children's children will listen to Berman sleepwalk his way through another Sunday of NFL highlights and curse our generation for not doing the right thing by putting this fat Christmas ham in the deep-freeze." -- Phil
Versus
4. Dan LeBatard
Defeated Chris Mortensen 64-7
Defeated Steve Phillips 51-20
The Opposition Case:
"Dan 'Labatt Blue' Batard... Dan 'Leberetard' Lebatard... Dan 'Patrick' Lebatard... yes, folks, I could go and on with nicknames, but it doesn't change the fact that this guy is a puss filled windbag who makes boastful claims and distorts the truth! When it comes truth... Dan goes back, back, back, back... way back... to the backtrack. And yes, Dan... could... go... all... the... way... but he's facing me, a true #1 seed and an ESPN stalwart. Proof that I can say whatever I want and always have a job at ESPN. Yes...I am a legend in my own mind." -- Chris Berman
The People Speak:
"He actually called himself "The Hateable Dan LeBatard" when he showed up on some episodes of PTI...and he has no idea how right he is." -- Ed K.
"I know someone who knows LeBastard.He says he's the biggest horse's patoot on the East Coast and has an ego the same size." -- Andre La Plume
"Columnists should be read and not heard. And some columnists shouldn't even be read." -- Phil
"I just can't get over the articles he wrote after Ricky Williams ditched the Dolphins to go smoke pot with Lenny Kravitz. He was actually angry that people would be angry with Ricky! And, of course, a key member of the "Steve Nash MVP vote was racist" committee." -- Colin Hesse
"His departed ESPN Sunday Morning radio show helped broaden my mind, by either making me listen to something else or just contemplate the silence while driving to church." -- Herman
"When Kornheiser finally gets too old and rich to consider getting out of bed in the morning worthwhile, LeBatard is poised to demolish PTI, perhaps the only watchable half-hours on ESPN that doesn't involve live college sports." -- Harvey
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 09:58 AM | Comments (147) | TrackBack
August 08, 2005
Michael Irvin vs. Bill Walton
2. Michael Irvin
Defeated Michael Wilbon 73-6
Defeated Jay Bilas 86-14
The Opposition Case:
"Michael Irvin... you were once a GREAT PLAYER...but now? You are just TERRIBLE, AWFUL, JUST AWFUL... I mean, how else do you explain being on "The Best Damned Sports Show" -- what the hell is that all about? Besided, the last time I checked you are only a mere 6-2...whereas I am standing 7-0...you always bet on the big man. and Let me tell you something... I don't need my tie dye shorts, pot brownies or encouraging notes from David Stern to beat you. You are just awful, terrrrrible. Just horrrrrible." -- Bill Walton
The People Speak:
"He makes my ears bleed with his butchery of the English language." -- Djcolts
"Sterling Sharpe was mildly entertaining, and the collapse MNC experienced when they brought Irvin in to replace him was horrific. He's a complete *ss, and I can't stand him." -- Sweeper
"He may actually be able to outshout Stu Scott." -- Randy
"I can't think of one useful or legal thing he has done or said since he retired from football." -- John in Austin
"His performance on ESPN's 2004 NFL Draft show should be shown on an endless loop to the terrorists held at Abu Ghraib. Now that would be torture." -- Grandcosmo
"I'm surprised Steve Young hasn't shot Irvin in the face yet. He seriously looks like he's about to strangle him after every one of his inane comments." -- Luke
"If it weren't for the over-hyping of his personal friends, complete lack of attention to facts that don't support his pet opinion du jour, and all at a volume better associated with many major airports, Irvin might be tolerable." -- DrTizz
"He's managed to personify the worst aspects of college football, the worst aspects of professional football and now the worst aspects of the new sports media." -- Arford
"If felons can't vote, they shouldn't be allowed on TV either. You can do more harm on TV than in a voting booth." -- Miles Cannon
'If Michael Irvin was hopped up as a player, what could have possibly sunk in that would be of any use as a commentator?
"Whoa... the Browns had their heads dyed orange."
"Those are helmets."
"Helmets? That's like a cover that covers your whole head."
"That it is."' -- Mtvcdm
Versus
3. Bill Walton
Defeated Merrill Hoge 56-14
Defeated Bill Curry 68-50
The Opposition Case:
"Look here Walton, you can't touch me, brother... you can't contain me. Whether I was embarrassing cornerbacks in the Big East* or the NFC East, I am a Miami Hurricane and a Dallas Cowboy... Do you have any idea what that means. Do you realize how much more powerful being high on cocaine is than being high on marijuana? Please. You are a stoner, I am a drug crazed criminal and your ass wouldn't be able to handle me. You and your bad knees are going down!" -- Michael Irvin
(*Note that Michael has done so many drugs that he's forgotten that Miami was an independent when he was there.)
The People Speak:
"I used to like the NBA, but my frequent changing of the channel when Walton calls a game has taken away almost every opportunity I had to maintain any interest in the sport." -- Joey T
"He's never made a good point that I can recall and he detracts from the game. A good color man should make good points but most importantly STAY OUT OF THE WAY OF THE GAME. People want to watch a basketball game, not listen to you ramble. Guys like Doug Collins have mastered the art, Walton's never been able to do it." -- Adam
"Literally makes me ill when I hear him "enlightening" us while watching an NBA game. Stupidity realized in it's highest, purest form. Doesn't even realize he has just contradicted himself... for the 9000th time in the last 10 minutes." -- Tony
"You want to hit the mute button for the whole game. And then you realize you have automatic closed captioning. So you hear the WHORRRRRRRIBLE in your head. All that's left is putting out your eyes and hoping that there's a Braille account in the paper the next day." -- Bill Walsh
"Once heard him go rambling for 5 minutes on espn.radio and I had no idea what the hell was going on. It was just a mess, so I thought it was some sort of weird commercial, then it kept going and I thought some sort of anarchist pirate radio station was blocking the signal. Turns out it was his basketball anaylsis. WTF??" -- Chris J
"Walton has to be THE dumbest announcer in major league history, any sport. His shtick would almost be poetic if it was actually coherent. He will never say anything useful, and his consistent adoration of Kobe and Shaq borders on insanity. "'Oh, the perfection! Oh, the wonder!'" -- Gavin
"He's probably the best argument on this planet against smoking marijuana. I think he has literally smoked himself retarded." -- Ted
As for this matchup:
"A battle of wits—I use the term loosely—between the two guys who butcher the English Language the most. Walton knows the words, but he cannot take the marbles out of his mouth long enough to speak coherently. Irvin just makes things up as he goes along." -- Andre la Plume
Voting is now closed. Results when I get a chance. Before this evening, I hope.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:39 AM | Comments (109) | TrackBack
Results: Joe Morgan vs. Woody Paige
Morgan 81, Paige 56
A surprisingly game Woody Paige couldn't quite keep up with Joe Morgan, who moves on to meet Stu Scott in a regional final battle of vapid versus malevolent. Who cares what Paige thinks?
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:22 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack
August 06, 2005
Stephen A. Smith vs. Jim Rome
1. Stephen A. Smith
Defeated Hank Goldberg 78-3
Defeated Paul Maguire 115-26
The Opposition Case:
"Thanks for the vine, Stephen A... 'cause let's face it, Philadelphia is a jungle, right? Anyway, I am the real deal here and athletes love me... no one gives them more air time than I do in the Jungle. And speaking of the Jungle, I have the clone army backin' me up, easily outnumbering Iverson, Larry Brown and your 3 other friends. Besides, you have absolutely zero talent and you should be embarrassed by how much you DON'T know as evidenced by your Chris Rock-Oscars like performance at the NBA Draft. War Me...War the Goatee... War the Gouchos... War 'Rome is Burning'... War just being so damned sexy... I'm out." -- Jim Rome
The People Speak:
"Maybe he thinks that if he screams loud enough, he will be able to override viewers' mute buttons." -- Jenny
"Scream'n A's is the biggest head with the loudest (and somehow simultaneously least productive) mouth, blasting 200 decible inanities from high atop Mount Shapiromore. If I never heard him utter a word in my life I would be much smarter than I am now." -- Mattymatty
"STEPIN A. SMITH HERE.
QUITE FRANKLY, I'M TELLING YOU I JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH MYSELF. I TOLD ME THAT I WOULD EASILY DEFEAT THIS MAGUIRE-CHARACTER. THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO SAY. I HAVE TO GO. I NEED TO GO KISS SOME MORE PHILLY-ATHLETE ASS." -- KC from SD
"I really thought this blog was kidding when they said he was getting his own show...then I hoped it was kidding...now I just stare at walls, unconsolable, for hours at a time." -- Egghead
"Stephen A. Smith should be strapped to the first missile that we shoot into Syria during the shock and awe campaign." -- Sam
"Can we just boot him from Bristol now? Seriously, ESPN needs to fire this guy. Preferably from a cannon." -- Ryan V.
Versus
5. Jim Rome
Defeated Jim Donnan 75-9
Defeated William C. Rhoden 101-27
The Opposition Case:
"However Mr. Jim Rome, your goatee is infested with fleas. I am
tellin's you... I will take you down. You are a bigger poser then Stu Scott and I, Stephen A. Smith. While 'Rome is Burning' at some ungodly hour at 4 pm where only grannies and out of work fools can see you, my new show will be in primetime. Sure, we drew fewer viewers than McEnroe on MSNBC, but Mark Shapiro and I have a plan... see here... the plan is that eventually, only Stuart Scott & I will be in the air and people like you, Jim Rome, will be rotting flesh on "The Worst Damn Sports Show". Now excuse me while I call Iverson and get the scoop on everything Philly--peace!" -- Stephen A. Smith
The People Speak:
"Maybe the most over-rated, over-hyped sportstalk guy ever. Who is possibly watching that show?" -- gbirch32
"The biggest jackass to ever show his sorry face (complete with 90's era goatee!) on television." -- Mattymatty
"The thing is, I've thought Rome made one or two (but just one or two) good points over the years--he just didn't need to make each one of them 5,000 times each at top volume." -- Aznemesis
"A loud-mouthed abomination with little to nothing to say. He reminds me of a drunken frat boy trying to sound knowledgeable about the local sports team only to avoid comments of his own hidden homosexuality." -- Gavin
'Rejected titles for Rome's latest show:
"Rome is Itching and Throbing"
"Rome is Dully Aching"
"Rome is Swelling"
"Rome is Smoldering"
"Rome is Smelling Vaguely of Burnt Hair"
"Rome is Recovering From Third Degree Burns Over 90% of His Body"
"Rome is Irritating"
"Rome is Out of His Depth"' -- Phil
"Who thought that taking Random Sports Talk Radio Hack #721 (Rome) and giving him a TV show would be a GOOD idea?" -- Mtvcdm
"Has there ever been anyone who repeats the same point over and over again, I mean anyone who says the same thing again and again, really anyone who keeps beating the dead horse....." JimBoHanna
Voting is now closed, results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:23 PM | Comments (129) | TrackBack
Results: Stuart Scott vs. Jim Gray
Scott 78, Gray 32
Gray kept it close for awhile, but Stuart Scott pulled away starting at about the quarter mark and went on to an easy victory. Scott becomes a deserving first member of the Egregious Eight.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 07:17 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
August 05, 2005
Joe Morgan vs. Woody Paige
2. Joe Morgan
Defeated Suzy Kolber, 100-9
Defeated Jason Whitlock, 93-43
The Opposition Case:
"LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING MORGAN... YOU ARE A GASBAG. WHEN I FIND YOU, I WILL BEAT YOU OVER THE HEAD WITH MY COPY OF MONEYBALL. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN AGREE WITH MONEYBALL, I DON'T EVEN LIKE MONEYBALL, BUT I LOVE TO PISS PEOPLE OFF SO I WILL BEAT YOU DOWN WITH MY COPY OF IT. AND THEN, WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT, I HAVE PAID JAY MARIOTTI $250 TO SPIT IN YOUR FACE YOU OVERRATED OLD HACK. HAVE YOU EVEN READ MY BRILLIANT COLUMNS? I DON'T THINK SO. BECAUSE IF YOU DID, YOU MIGHT LEARNS SOMETHING, JOE. I AM BUSY TEACHING JAY MARIOTTI A LESSON DAILY, SO MAYBE I NEED TO SWITCH GEARS AND TEACH YOU A THING OR TWO."
The People Speak:
"His arrogant, self-absorbed commentating drives me up the wall, and his voice could crack asphalt, it's that grating. And no matter what's happening right in front of him, he'll keep blabbing, even if the game before him BLATANTLY CONTRADICTS EVERYTHING HE'S SAYING!" -- Jenny
"The best second baseman of all time AND the worst sports journalist of his generation." -- John
"To hear Joe "analyze" something is to have a thousand conflicting bits of evidence blissfully woven into an unholy tapestry of preposterous conclusions and repeated as gospel for the remainder of the game only to have another howler that completely repudiates it proferred the next night without nary a blush at the self contradiction." -- Spike
"He could have been good. He could have been a useful and entertaining color man. Instead, he deliberately, purposefully *chose* to be stupid. And now we're stuck with that, week in and week out, until he dies." -- Sweeper
"Joe Morgan should be sending checks to Tim McCarver, because that's the only reason he's not the worst color man in baseball. Listening to him is like watching a completely different game to the one being played." -- Chris
"If Joe Morgan the player, circa mid-1970s, were transported in time to 2005, Joe Morgan the announcer would hate him. While loathing the very type of player you were is rather unique for an announcer, it is idiotic in this case." -- P Clark
"Morgan in a landslide. This moron went on and on in a SNB Red Sox broadcast about how they did not re-sign Pedro because he's a "superstar." WTF? As if you just hand out huge long term deals to declining stars just like that? Plus, the Moneyball thing...just unbearable on every level. And one more thing, if the replay shows the guy is out, YOU CAN ADMIT YOU WERE WRONG. You dont have to guess the result on EVERY close play." -- FWA
Versus
6. Woody Paige
Defeated Tom Tolbert, 86-20
Defeated Joe Theismann, 88-67
The Opposition Case:
"Woody Paige knows absolutely nothing. Though I have not actually read any of his columns nor I have even seen his work on Television, and frankly, I am not even sure what he looks like, I can promise you he's wrong, he knows nothing and if he would like to have a lesson on what is wrong with Baseball and what is right with Baseball, he should read my ESPN columns. I imagine Woody probably spends most of his time sitting around admiring terrible second basemen like Ryne Sandberg, drinking beer and thinking that on base percentage is the only way to go. He'd be wrong. I have come to the conlusion that Billy Beane is in fact the devil and I am here to deliver all Baseball fans from the likes of Moneyball and anyone who would support it. You know, I could go on and on about this subject and why Woody Paige clearly does not know what he's talking about, so I think I will..."
The People Speak:
"Paige barely knows how to speak, in addition to not knowing what he's talking about. My favorite was when, on an episode of "Around the Horn," he predicted that some football player would have a bad game because 'it's really, really cold in the South.'" -- Stephen Silver
"How a man who is that incoherent is allowed to be on THREE different shows on ESPN is beyond me. I find it especially funny when he is actually DOLING OUT ADVICE AND CRITICISM on Dream Job, saying things like, "I wanted you to be a little more clear," and, "None of your information was original". (Note: not exact quotes, but I think I heard something like that while my hands flew to the remote control to change the channel)." -- Chesse
"There was once a time when you had to be mildly pleasant to look at and seemingly in possession of your five wits to appear on TV. Back in this golden age, Woody Paige would have been relegated to late-night public access shows in which he ranted about the Red Chinese taking over the local school board and fielding calls from like-minded nutbags and drunken college students.
"These days, he's on ESPN. A lot." -- Phil
"I travel forty-five minutes through the hellscape that is the Los Angeles 405 Freeway on my way to work every day. Recently, I've found a foolproof method to help assuage my daily dread at the prospect of of dodging careening Hummers and sitting in bumper-to-bumper gridlock: I flip on "Cold Pizza" as I get ready for work, and subject myself to a few minutes of the most banal, annoying, obtuse blathering currently found on cable television. The nonstop inanity spurs me to flee my apartment as quickly as possible, and has thus transformed my daily commute into a tranquil and serene respite from the mind-numbing stupidity of Woody Paige." -- Vic
"I would rather have a three-way with Chris Berman and Stephen A. Smith than listen to the sound of Woody Paige's voice." -- LisaJunior
"Does anyone else get the feeling that he and Skippy Bayless have hot, passionate makeout sessions between segments of 1st and 10 on Cold Pizza? They remind me of a couple that disagrees on the most obvious things just to have the makeup. Either that, or he makes the stupidest arguments about sports possible because he's a goddam idiot." -- Jim Small
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:13 AM | Comments (143) | TrackBack
August 04, 2005
Stuart Scott vs. Jim Gray
1. Stuart Scott
Defeated Scott Van Pelt, 123-8
Defeated John Kruk, 111-35
The Opposition Case:
"I have unsubstantiated proof here that not only is Stuart Scott a no talent jerk that has ruined ESPN SportsCenter, but he also has a gambling problem and takes steroids. Stu, if I could have a minute with you, I would like to show America why we should hate you. Anyway, this just in... Stuart Scott is a poser... I repeat he's a poser. He's not really black and didn't grow up in the hood. He's actually a white guy posing as a black man in order to make a name for himself. Also... this just in... every athlete refers to Stuart as the 'little white weenie' behind his back. Finally, I have a report here that says that "Dream Job" sucks and please ESPN, to save the show you must "fire" Stuart Scott." -- Jim Gray
The People Speak:
"He's EVERYWHERE, sort of like those microscopic hairy crawling things that inhabit your furniture. If he were safely confined to the late SportsCenter, where I could just go to bed to avoid watching him, that would be fine, but instead he's on ALL DAY. Every dumb show ESPN comes up with to fill airtime somehow has Stuart Scott and his obnoxious ghetto-wannabe attitude oozing into my living room." -- Jenny
"Stu Scott no doubt here. "Holla at a playa when you see him in the streets." lol!!! I've never seen anyone try so hard for street cred." -- Tre-4
"Most of all, there's thnis: he nbever tells us about the game. He's too busy listening to himself give a shout out to Ray-Ray, and Keshia, and Ashey Larry, and ..." -- Colin
"I ain't gonna say nothin', but he ain't right." -- Ed K.
"Stuart is as urban hip as Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. SportsCenter won't get better until Stuart's corpse is as cool as the other side of the pillow, Dog." -- Chris
"Here is the real question I have about Stuart Scott. Does he think what he is saying is remotely cool or hip, or does he realize what a humongous idiot he sounds like and is doing such things in a post-modern attempt to own the expectations the public had previously made about black anchors inserting slang into their broadcasts?" -- (A different) Chris
"I think the thing that's put him over the top is the glasses... now he's become like Urkel trying to be hip." -- Chris Lawrence
Versus
4. Jim Gray
Defeated Trev Alberts, 100-26
Defeated Jeff Brantley, 90-42
The Opposition Case:
"Boo-Yah! Watch me be like Mike and take it down the lane for a little razzle dazzle on Jim Gray. Jim is a little white man with no game... He didn't grow up on the mean streets of Charlotte as a brother like me. My plan is to distract Gray with a giant cut-out of my dog Kobe in his briefs... Gray will be so drawn to the Kobe cut-out, that I can sneak around him like I was back in Chapel Hill and 20,000 heel homies were schillin' for me as I smoothly destroy little Jim-bo Gray." -- Stuart Scott
The People Speak:
"He misrepresents comments by some individuals while interviewing other individuals in a petty, slimeball attempt at getting an interesting reaction." -- Joey T
"A schmuck, plain and simple." -- Bill McCabe
"Gray somehow looks like the dirty one when he stands next to Marv Albert." -- Matt
"As far as I can tell Gray is only around becuase he can get interviews with Kobe Bryant due to his endless sucking up." -- Adam
"Gray just weirds me out, and someone needs to remind him (preferably with a blunt object) that the reporter is only the vehicle for delivering the news, not the news himself." -- John in Austin
"He has to be the WORST sideline reporter in the history of sports, a profession which is moronic enough to begin with is just brought lower by a man trying desperately to be taken seriously." -- Gavin
"His first thought each morning must be, 'Whose ass am I going to kiss today?'" -- Shannin
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 02:22 PM | Comments (110) | TrackBack