« September 2005 | Main | December 2005 »
October 25, 2005
Just to note
HoustonChronicle.com - Web sites take aim at baseball broadcaster
I still can't believe McCarver lost. Anyway, I'm actually 34, not 24.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 06:29 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 21, 2005
I live in Alabama
Newsday.com: Georgia man pleads guilty to threatening ESPN announcers
Sure, he thought they were spying on him. Sometimes I think Stu Scott can see me through the screen. Stop looking at me, Stu!
Posted by Mac Thomason at 03:47 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 17, 2005
Ladies and Gentlemen, Our Champion
Hawk Harrelson's victory, 46-34 over Tim McCarver, was particularly impressive since many people hadn't even heard him call a game. Lucky, lucky people. Is he going to do a radio call of the World Series? I hope not.
I'm still looking for the Nehru jacket picture.
UPDATE: Here we go.
Sorry for the delays, but I wanted to keep the voting open for a week.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:59 AM | Comments (12) | TrackBack
October 10, 2005
Championship: Tim McCarver vs. Hawk Harrelson
Tim McCarver
(Defeated Dan Marino 61-2)
(Defeated Jimmy Johnson 43-10)
(Defeated Terry Bradshaw 33-7)
(Defeated Billy Packer 33-23)
Closing statements:
"Even Steve Carlton has called him begging him to shut up." -- Brak
"Joe Buck- 'We are joined this inning by Yankee great Derek Jeter.'
"Jeter-'Thanks for having me.'
"Buck-'Tim McCarver told me to tell you to pull down your pants.'
"Jeter-'ok'
"McCarver-'Slurp'
"It sounds gross, but in reality it happens every Fox broadcast." -- Smitty
"Let's change things up and have Scooter give a description of McCarver: Tim McCarver's mind is an organ that goes realllllly reallllllllllllly slllooooooowwwwww." -- TheBentKangaroo
"McCarver sucks so bad I want Deion to make a comeback in baseball and dump ice water on him in the hope that washing that hair dye into his eyes will blind him. Course, he yammers for hours endlessly now without knowing what's going on, so blindness might not affect his broadcasting career." -- Chris R.
"Even though I discovered last night that I seem to have grown the ability to mostly filter him out (at least, that's my explanation for the low buzzing sound that I heard throughout the Yankees/Angels game and my lack of a migraine this morning), I vote for McCarver." -- Charles Kuffner
"If they had a channel where they only footage they ever showed was the replay of Deion dousing McCarver, I'd analyze it like it were the Zapruder film for hours." -- Mashmore
"Dante would create a new circle for him." -- Tinovich
"As it is not humanly possible to suck as much as McCarver sucks, I must believe that he is some sort of evil sucking robot, here to suck.
"Also: McCarver sucks." -- Effulgent Jesus
Versus
Hawk Harrelson
(Defeated Seth Davis 52-9)
(Defeated Steve Lyons 29-9)
(Defeated Magic Johnson 31-9)
(Defeated Tony Siragusa 41-10)
Closing statements:
"He's the MLB equivalent of a Wal-Mart door greeter." -- Kevin Lee
"Hawk, no one cares. Your only useful function is to the overall fitness of America as fat couch potatoes sprint to the phone to have their cable service cancelled and hit their TV with an axe. Please shut up. Forever." -- Jenny
"In a 162-game season, where the broadcasters travel and share hotels with the teams they cover from March to September, there will inevitably be some homerism. What Hawk does is the equivalent of a 7-month lap dance for 25 guys at a time. And yes, he's ass enough for all of them." -- Chris
"I mean, really, is there any need to keep throwing sacrificial lambs at him like this (okay, in Siragusa's case it's a sacrificial sperm whale)? Just declare him the winner now and send him his prize (a three-week, some-expenses paid trip to Vladivostok, where he will be invited to do the play by play for their annual Moose Festival; with any luck, he'll be tragically killed in a freak stampede)." -- Charles Kuffner
"If WGN ever offers a fundraiser where for a donation you can physically attack Hawk Harrelson, I will empty my childrens' college funds for the opportunity to smash a fungo bat across the bridge of his nose." -- MikeB
"I'd rather listen to a wolf chewing the side of my face off." -- Delrandall
"Here's a game for you to play when you get bored at work: See how many Hawk catch phrases you can use in your conversations with coworkers. After you finish speaking, start your timer. Stop the timer the moment your nose gets bloodied by the fist of a coworker. My personal best is 2.35 seconds. You might call it a "ball four, nose hit".... Ouch, that was a "big hack, with a lotta contack". I think you broke my freakin' nose that time." -- Skip Wilson
"During the last weekend of the regular season, I watched the start of the White Sox game against Cleveland, so I figured I'd listen to him for as long as I could take it. And when the camera switched to the booth for Hawk and DJ's pregame, there was the fat slob with the customary smirk on his face, wearing sunglasses and this ugly hat...and I just burst out in laughter. Hardly ever have I laughed this hard at anything related to a baseball game. It was my most enjoyable Hawk moment ever. Unfortunately, I had to turn the game off five minutes later, after the first 'putting it on the board'." -- Steffen
"The only thing that could possibly redeem the Hawk is if I ran into him tomorrow at a bar, laughing at a taped broadcast of himself, and then confiding in me that a college buddy dared him to be the worst he possibly could at his chosen vocation; that it was just a private gentlemen's bet between the two of them, but he's organized his life around it anyway.
"You have to try to be that bad. Right? You have to study and train, run focus groups on which catchphrases are the most grating, experiment with on-air personas until you get the perfect mix of arrogance and homerism, and then, and only then will you be able to make your buddy's day, everyday, as you so perfectly satisfy his challenge to be the absolute f-ing worst at your chosen profession.
"Maybe we should be thankful that he's just a baseball announcer. The Hawk could do some serious damage in another line of work." -- Paul
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:14 AM | Comments (89) | TrackBack
Results (Games of Oct. 5)
McCarver 33, Packer 23
A late surge pushed Tim McCarver past a game Billy Packer (who folded like a 2000s Duke team) into the finals. Plus the Yankees won last night, so a good day for Timmy.
Harrelson 41, Siragusa 10
McCarver will face a well-rested Hawk Harrelson, who sprinted out to a big lead over Tony Siragusa, who of course fell down gasping for air when asked to sprint.
The championship matchup is coming up soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:03 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack
October 05, 2005
Tim McCarver vs. Billy Packer
Tim McCarver
(Defeated Dan Marino 61-2)
(Defeated Jimmy Johnson 43-10)
(Defeated Terry Bradshaw 33-7)
The Continuing Saga:
"McCarver makes me want to go out and kill everyone else named "Tim", for the guilt by association. His manlove for Jeter makes John Madden's obsession for Brett Favre look sane. I'm surprised he hasn't nominated Jeter to head FEMA yet. Or for sainthood." -- Greg
"Playoff baseball is one of my favorite times of the year as a sports fan and he's there every big game, rambling on and on about crap that every single person who's ever watched a game for more than about two seconds already knows, and doing it poorly." -- Adam
"In my worst post-apocalypse mightmare, we found a generator and lo, and behold, an old VCR tape of Baseball from the early 21st century! We quickly plugged it and and cried with delight until McCarver spoke. Aaarrrrrrgghh! Then we all drank Liquid Plumber. Life held no hope." -- Kevin Lee
"When I was in Memphis last summer I saw McCarver at a red light. I gave him the head nod. The light was about to turn green I rolled down my window and yelled, 'Hey McCarver, YOU SUCK!'
"I am sure with all of his knowledge, he already knew that." -- Smitty
"If Bradshaw is Kentucky and Joe Buck is Utah and Stuart Scott is Russia, McCarver is the Andromeda galaxy of sucking." -- Effulgent Jesus
"It's hard to say who's worse: McCarver or Scooter, the retarded talking baseball. But, when push comes to shove, I have to say McCarver. At least Scooter only spews forth idiocy for a few minutes, whereas McCarver can't shut the hell up." -- Ched
Versus
Billy Packer
(Defeated Jeanne Zelasko 42-23)
(Defeated John Madden 34-7)
(Defeated Rob Dibble 22-14)
The Continuing Saga:
"Packer is mean and snarly and so preciously self-righteous. I am sure Dr. Naismith was copying off Billy's paper in the one-room schoolhouse when he got the idea for basketball." -- 50PoundHead
"An angry, bitter, asshole who doesn't seem to realize that he has one of the greatest jobs in the world. He gets to sit, watch, and talk about NCAA Tournament basketball every year for a living and yet he never seems to realize how great that is. He seems hates the sport he covers and yet for whatever reason CBS has decided that he needs to be the voice of college basketball. He is an evil little man and I despise him." -- Adam
"We're rapidly approaching college basketball season. We live for that here in Tucson. The downside? It means Billy Packer forces his way into my living room. I can avoid Dibble because I don't watch That Show. I'm going to watch college basketball, however, so I'm going to have to put up with Packer. That makes me as sour as he is. Please let that man retire soon! Anyway, Packer takes the vote." -- Aznemesis
"Packer - he shows he can be less negative every year on JP Sports ACC broadcasts, and then turns up the negativity the SECOND he hits CBS. Not only is he bad, but he turns it up under greater exposure." -- mjp
"At a human level, he probably despises the kids who play college basketball, yet he makes millions passing judgement on their efforts." -- MikeB
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 11:04 AM | Comments (56) | TrackBack
Hawk Harrelson vs. Tony Siragusa
Hawk Harrelson
(Defeated Seth Davis 52-9)
(Defeated Steve Lyons 29-9)
(Defeated Magic Johnson 31-9)
The Continuing Saga:
"It seems odd that it was the other chicago players complaining about their own announcers last year." -- Brak
"It's impossible to accurately explain just how bad he is. He really needs to be experienced first hand because words don't do him justice." -- Adam
"His pet nicknames for players, the beyond stupid catchphrases, in addition to being the biggest homer anywhere, anytime, on any planet, in any galaxy. I'm a White Sox fan, and when they lose, a little part of me is glad knowing that this asshole is upset about it." -- Gregg
"Newton didn't release his studies of physics and his theories of the calculus for almost 30 years because the English language had not developed words to describe them yet. I hope before I die we can find words to describe how bad Hawk is." -- Kevin Lee
"Remember the ChiSox-Royals game where some crazed fans came from the stands and started attacking KC's 3B coach? If they'd detoured into the broadcast booth and started attacking Hawk, nobody would have stopped them. Nobody." -- Mike B.
"The Hawk Harrelson suicide formula: (Shameless homerism + lack of baseball knowledge) x (grating voice + stupid catchphrases) + (10000000)^(number of times HE GONE is used during broadcast)=number of seconds before viewers run off to overdose on Demerol and vodka" -- Jenny
"I was in Chicago this Spring and caught a White Sox game. I arrived in the 3rd and stood outside the stadium for a while trying to find a cheap/free ticket. I could hear the Chi Sox broadcast and thought "If the Braves had announcers like these I wouldn't watch Baseball" Reading the comments above, I realize I was hating Hawk without knowing it was Hawk I was hating." -- Downtown ATL
"To the creators of this site, and all who've voted and commented on Hawk Harrelson, I have to say: damn you all to Hell. Until you people, I'd never heard of him. But because of all of you, I actually sat through a White Sox game to witness the horror first hand. Now I have nightmares about a hatchet-faced freak screaming at "HEGONE!" at me until my stab out my eardrums to end the pain." -- Jeremy Henderson
"If you haven't been subjected to a Harrelson-called game, here is an example of one of his hideous catch phrases: A deep fly ball is hit to right field by a White Sox batter and Hawk starts screaming "Stretch, Stretch, Stretch". I'm thinking, "Does that idiot want the right fielder to stretch out to make the catch? What in the world does he mean by STRETCH?" Then it hits me that he wants the ball to go over the fence. This, along with "HE GONE", "GRAB SOME BENCH" and "YOU CAN PUT IT ON THE BOARD, YES" make me want to schedule a fight with Mike Tyson so he can bite off both my ears and thus preventing me from having to hear Hawk's verbal excrement." -- Skip Wilson
Versus
Tony Siragusa
(Defeated Bryant Gumbel 36-21)
(Defeated Howie Long 33-1)
(Defeated Chip Caray 26-5)
The Continuing Saga:
"If being fat was a talent, Siragusa would be the Vin Scully of sideline reporting. On the bright side, he's killed fewer people than Ray Lewis (allegedly)." -- J. Joe Scott
"In an attempt to better understand Siragusa, I've tried to think like him. Here goes:
"Tony Siragusa is a doo-doo head. Vote for Tony. Tony's a winner!" -- Brak
"Tony, Tony, ring of bologna!
"I hear the band Hanson had a big hit with the song they wrote about him. "Mmmmm-blob blob blob. Mmmmmm-blob blob blob. Mmmmm-blob blobba blobba blob-ay."
"Any truth to the rumor that he is the illegitimate son of Mama Cass?
"Is there any doubt that Tony gets my vote?
"It's Tony. In a flabslide." -- 50PoundHead
"Why the hell is Siragusa on TV? He's not telegenic, he's not funny, and he damn sure doesn't know anything about football. I just don't get it." -- Adam
"Was he the mysterious 'Pig Man' of Seinfeld fame?" -- JimBoHanna
"One gets the feeling that football broadcasting is a brief stop for Siragusa before he hits reality TV, professional wrestling, and dressing up like Yogi Bear at promotional days at used car dealerships." -- Deadguy
Voting is now closed. Results coming soon.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 10:55 AM | Comments (51) | TrackBack
October 04, 2005
Results (Games of Sept. 30)
McCarver 33, Bradshaw 7
An easy win for Tim McCarver, but that wouldn't stop him from explaining how he did it for seven hours.
Harrelson 31, Johnson 9
Magic was game, but couldn't slow down the Hawk Harrelson steamroller.
Semifinals tomorrow.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:58 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack
October 03, 2005
Results (Games of Sept. 28)
Siragusa 26, Caray 5
Tony Siragusa rolls on like the earthball he increasingly resembles.
Packer 22, Dibble 14
Rob Dibble made it close, but couldn't hold off the negative force that is Billy Packer, who joins Siragusa in Madison Square Garden for the semis.
Posted by Mac Thomason at 08:06 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack